For as long as I know, I have always been a greedy and uncontented child. Selfish/Self centered and always wanting the good things others had for myself and always feeling like I am in a competition with everybody.
Mum would always tell me
"A greedy person and an uncontented person would always steal"
But I was having none of it because all I wanted was a world were I would have all the good things to myself. Yes I am not one to hold back or mince words, guess I lack the filter people talk about.
No matter what I had, I always felt I needed something else to make me happy and when I got it I would ask myself was it really worth so much chase in the first place? and thence I am on to another conquest in search of another supposed happiness and I would stop at nothing to get it. So yes, it became a circle and a circle and a trend.
I found myself hurting a lot of people in my selfishness and I didn't care all I wanted was what they had and what I want I always get. I am not one to bother about making enemies as long as I felt good about what I did I am fine. To some it might be dead conscience but to me it's more of no conscience at all.
Yes, I was this bitch for so long until I watched the Final Episode of Desperate housewives and I realised how much life was worth and how even in twist and turns it all ended like one sad line from a Shakespearean playlet and I realised you indeed can have it but not fueled by greed because that way you will find out that all you have is not what you need but what others had and you wanted.
I was most captivated by Lynette Scavo's(Felicity Huffman) speech at Renee Perry's Wedding(Vanessa Williams).
Renee & Ben
Your wedding is one of the best days of your life
Because it's the day you realize
I finally have the thing I need to be happy
And then.. You forget
So.. What happens next is..
Instead of waking up every morning and shouting "Somebody loves me!!!!!"
You start looking and thinking
"What do I want now?
What's the next thing I need to be happy?"
So.. You look and look, and you keep thinking you have found it but nothing works
And the reason that nothing works..
Is because..
That hole in your heart that you are trying to fill
Is already filled
You just forgot..
Don't ever forget, always remember how much you wanted to be loved, and how much you are loved
And I think if you can do that, which isn't easy
You will stop looking and realize you already..
Are happy :)
To Renee and Ben
And to remembering
cheers
I love you
It spoke deep into my soul that I realised that I already had the resources to my happiness right in front of me but I am stealing just as Mum had warned me, I am stealing from people who have nothing and all the same not finding fulfilment in what I have.
Indeed Life has offered each and everyone of us the essential tools to be happy, some of us lose it to people like me while some utilize the offer and the rest are just like me taking what is for others and making it mine.
The paramount thing to know is "No one has to be unhappy for you to be happy", "You don't have to steal from Dick to make Harry happy".
Move at your own pace, utilize your own space and dont invade.
What you have today was once your prayer request, though you might forget but always do your best to remember. You can have it even if not all at once.
