So actually i want to say that i am been so lonely with myself like a many years. I have been building my home, dreams and self-esteem. The last one is the toughest yet because i was thinking too much and got overburned. I tottaly got roasted, a burnt piece of shit. I think people hate me.
Depression is fucking pain in the ass... i fight this every day.
If i kill myself, nobody cares. So i am trying to make comeback by starting to feel something again. Maybe this stupid money will help me i dunno... i have lived like an hobo and it was my own choice, now i was thinking that maybe i start use money... you know, because there must be a limits... depression is taking over and i got to go deeper and deeper... neverending falling in my mind.
I cleaned my teeth, string them, brush them you know like always... and then i was like "SHIT, this must to stop. I am going to reset myselft. Fuck this...." , So i hosted a little party with some close friends and i was like feeling wanted again. But maybe it is just the money you know... people love it. They hate you when you are poor... so what can you do... well i think i might just bought a friendship with these people. I dunno.... i hope they like me anyways.
So @ the party you know... i noticed that damn i still chilling alone, on my own choice and a little bit because i did not have anything to discuss with people. I am fed up with ufo topics, financial... nobody wanted to talk about basil growing, spiritual awarness, fifth dimensional pathways.... so i just sitting there, trying to fit in...
And you know... at the end i didnt even finished this fucking bottle of some exclusive beer..... fuck i am going to take off this clothes and stuff i bought just for this party and put my head back in the sand... acting out as poor hobo. Cheers!
Can you imagine that someone that you might know on your family, keeping same secrets from you as i am doing do others with playing poor and dressing like a hobo in regular days. I AM GONE.