Recently while watching a program about cookies where a famous chef and her husband celebrated a momentous anniversary, the chef shared her "recipe" (ha!) For a happy and lasting marriage: "I try to make him happy and he tries to make me happy, And that works! "
As far as I know, that woman is not Christian but her advice reflects a biblical principle for marriage: husbands should love each other. They must put the other spouse's interests above their own (Philippians 2: 4). The husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). The wife must love her husband with a tender and affectionate love (Titus 2: 4).
In the words of this chef, I must try to make her happy.
Often in marriage, we understand it in the wrong way, do not we? We think more about all the ways in which our husbands can make us happy, or we live thinking about how unhappy we are with our husbands.
"If only he were more like ______________ I would be happy."
"If only he would stop ______________ I would be happy"
"If only he would notice ______________ I would be happy"
"If only he would ask me ______________ I would be happy"
"If only he would ______________ I would be happy"
Our culture that raises the equal roles of women and men gives us a pat on the back. After all, the modern recipe for happy marriage only seeks self-interest as the main ingredient. But that is not the biblical way. Nor does it have good consequences. The more we try to put our own happiness as the priority of our marriage, the more unhappy we become.
Or, to put it another way: if I really want my own happiness, and if I really want a happy marriage, we will put our husband's happiness first. John Piper says:
"Husbands and wives recognize that in marriage you have become one flesh. If you live for your individual pleasure at the expense of your spouse, you are living against yourself and destroying your joy. But if you dedicate with all your heart to the holy joy of your spouse, you will be living for your own joy and building a marriage in the image of the relationship of Christ and His church. "
My husband is a wonderful example of putting my happiness in my first place. He calls him "studying his wife" and has dedicated our entire marriage to discover what makes me happy. He often encourages husbands not to assume that their wives will like what may be pleasing to another's wife and instead devote themselves to studying their own wives and learning what makes them happy.
I do not have to think much about looking in my memories for an example of how my husband has tried to make me happy. While we were on a weekend alone outside the house, my husband noticed a sign for an afternoon tea. Let me tell you, I'm not even sure that CJ has ever had a cup of tea in his life, much less gone to an afternoon tea. But he knows that this is one of my favorite things, a long-standing tradition of my daughters and now of my granddaughters.
And so, because he wants me to be happy, he made a reservation. I wish they could see my husband in a room full of women, trying to select a tea and to use a cup of tea. We ended up laughing all afternoon. But he was happy because I was happy too.
Do you feel unhappy in your marriage? Are you not satisfied or are you disappointed with your husband? Instead of focusing on your own unhappiness or seeking your happiness in the first place, try to make your husband happy. A happy husband makes sure his wife is happy and a happy marriage brings glory to God. The chef, but above all, the Word of God is right: this recipe works to have a happy marriage.