I never thought hell would be making fried chicken that I can't eat for all eternity, but it sort of makes sense. Eleven secret herbs and spices of extra-crispy suffering are now wrought upon my soul. What doth a main gain who orders the mashed potato side but loses his cole slaw??
There is no hope for me, but you might still save yourself. Heed my warning. Trifle not with Colonel Sanders, the last chickenbender. He is a ruthless and calculating foe, even compared to the other meat wizards of his time.