It all started when the next idea came to my mind: What would happen if the past turn into a place that we could visit?.
Each person owns a unique city that is called “The Past". By then, each one has the right to visit it every time they want and they can enter with any passport. And no, I am not talking about a passport of nationality, I am referring to a passport of perspectives. You can visit it from a melancolic perspective or even a nostalgic passport.
With all this, I began to imagine my past as if it was a city that has been built by my experiences, my learnings, my sorrows, my anger, my cries, my laughter, my heartbreaks, etc. I immediately got the feeling that the past is not something that is behind us, rather it is something that is found below, like something underground. It is our root, you walk on it every day and even if you try to run from it, you will not be able to escape from your past because it covers the entire space of your perimeter.
And well, as I was overthinking about this strange idea, something happened. I stop being afraid, I stop being so afraid of my past and I had never been so desperate to visit it, so I made my suitcase immediately and I went for a long tour. I will not lie, I was approximately 2 hours in my bed with my eyes closed, remembering everything that I have been through, as a simple tourist who has just arrived to his expected destination. Memories from my first Christmas gift, to the smell of my grandma. From my most hard life experience, to my most exciting one. While I remembered all that I had lived, no matter how joyful or painful was that experience, I fell in love with it. Literally, I fell in love with who I am, with my past. I realized that actually, I wouldn’t change anything of the small town that I've been building. I would not even take away the people that have been in my life, either the ones who built bridges or help me to cross some mountains.
Since I had this metaphor, I can assure you that the thoughts I used to have about my past completely changed. I am no longer afraid of it, I’m not even afraid of seeing all my failures, my cracks, all the earthquakes that I have provoked or the tsunamis that had passed through my small city; because without them, nothing would be the same. Without them, I wouldn’t be watching this beautiful paradise that I have built.
Another thing that happened while I was visiting my city, was that the idea that we usually have about our past is just so wrong. People use to tell you that you don't have to turn back, you have to ignore it because it already happened and you can't change anything. They say that you don't have to think about it. Wait… What?, how? How could I forget my roots, my failures?, or even all my learning experiences?, how can I forget all the peolple that have visited me?, all the ones who shared moments with me?.
No, now for me it's impossible and let me tell you why… it’s impossible because I just realized that we, as humans, need to remove this negative idea about the past of our heads and begin to see the past as a place. I promise that you will want to visit it more often. You will take a look through all your museums of experiences, you will see the works that are poorly constructed and learn from your mistakes, you will notice the people who always took the first plane to be with you and you never valued them. You will notice a lot of things, but the most amazing part is that you will learn from your wise teacher. Your past is a part of you, love it and learn from it. Look through it more often, just remember that journeys can’t last forever, you have to come back and continue with your present, but I assure you that if you get to fall in love with your past, your present will be painted of feelings that you've never experienced. You will love your shadow, you will feel safe of where you are stepping. You may also be able to notice all those people that haven’t contribute with anything, people that have destroyed some streets or some buildings of your own city. To all these people, deport them.
Finally, one advantage of visiting your past, is that you can return to look at all the people that form part of the fleeting moments, people that you may never see again; but don't let that stop you from taking a picture of them while they are crossing one of your streets. Save it in your memory, that picture will last forever. Hang it, hang it on your imaginary photo gallery.
Visit your black and white city and give it some color, instead of buring it or being ashamed of it. Forgive it, love it, love what you have to create until today.
-Alina Esquinca.
Ilustration from Miles Hyman