Today my 10 year old asked me, "Can you get arrested for throwing a snowball at a police officer?"
Without thinking really, (as I am generally very direct with my kids), I replied:
"I guess it depends on the police officer." Shrugging, I told him "If the officer is nice and understanding then he mostly likely will laugh it off. But if he was hurt by or simply doesn't like snowballs thrown at him, then you could most certainly be arrested. Assault on a police officer is taken very seriously, hun."
He looked back at me with skepticism. He crunched his little eyebrows and firmed his mouth into a straight line. "That doesn't make sense Mom. I thought you could only be arrested if you broke the law. Either it's against the law or it's not. How can a policeman decide the law on the spot like that?"
This is where I start to get nervous. It’s one of those parent-moments you cringe at. You try to teach your kids compassion, respect, and honesty but at some point they mature and realize how the world really works.
The Law is not black and white but how to explain this to a 10 year old?
The last thing I want is my boy to be afraid of police officers or afraid to question the world - But it seems like you can’t have both in today’s world.
Like I said, I do my best not to lie to my kids. I don’t sugarcoat reality and I refuse to see the world through rose colored glasses just because I have children. Sure I want to believe the world will change for the better, that my kids will inherit a planet full of happy people, abundant natural resources and a thriving economy but c’mon people. If you don’t introduce your kids to the truth, someone else will and then they’ll be looking back at you wondering how you lied to them for 20 years.
“One thing I want you to know son, above all else, is that yes, the police can decide the law on the spot, just like that. Cops can handle a problem however they want and a judge will almost always agree with the police afterwards.”
“That’s not fair, Mom.”
This is where my father would throw the ‘Well, Life’s not fair’ line at me. I hated that line, and I still do. Life IS fair. You get what you put into it and what you give out always, always comes back to you. The way society is set up is not fair, those who rule the world are not fair but Life is fair. Life is so much more than countries, governments, policies.
“You’re right. It isn’t fair.” I think he was expecting a different reply from me and in all honesty I wanted to say more but how do I teach my 10 year old to stay on the “right side” of The Law? How do I teach him to put his hands up?
Parental love is a weird emotion. It makes me go against instinct sometimes. I believe in human rights. I am completely and openly against all of the major societal systems out there from public education to politics. I myself view the police as America’s most largest, most successful gang ever (other than the IRS). I want revolution.
But the risk of having to identify his body one day…
shuts that shit down so quick.
I want to instill power into him but he is about to hit the age where defiance creeps in, where authoritative figures become menacing micro-managers. There is no forgiveness for children in the judicial systems anymore.
Perfect example; last year he made a comment to a friend in the bathroom. They were complaining about school and he said he wanted to burn the school down. Now, they were overheard - the school hit the roof. He had his person, locker and bag searched. Obviously he didn’t have gasoline and matches in his locker. He was suspended and had to submit to searches on his return to school! A 9 year old kid, who’d never previously been in that kind of trouble, never been sent home or suspended EVER.
Ridiculous.
But case and point. Something not even serious, gets warped into a dangerous situation. It’s like they are trying to create fear. I see it everywhere lately.
Individual offenses are blown out of proportion because it generates profits, yet the police, politicians, government officials blatantly act as if they are above the law. They are getting with it, too! We have them on video, we have the bruises, we’ve been hit with the charges and done the time. They murdered countless civilians, beaten mothers, children, disabled people, elders -and they get away with it! A paid leave of absence? I couldn’t even get paid maternity leave.
Parental love kicks in again and I feel a deep desire to shield him from all this. To keep him safe, keep him hidden.
Make sure he never goes downtown with his buddies wearing a hoodie or plays with water guns at the park.
How do I tell him to never run, never keep your hands in your pockets, never wear a hat or hood?
Never intervene if you see a cop arresting someone? Don’t even make eye contact with cops. Never take ANYTHING they try to hand you or offer you.
I want to protect him. This world is one big mad house.
As much as my love wants to keep him safe, I don’t see how you can love without truth. So, how do I teach my 10 year old to put his hands up when I never would?