This is part 3 of A Computer-Based Interactive Fiction For You and Your Friends. For an introduction, see CBF 1 and CBF 2.
Welcome back, Computer User #1. Today's winner is 
You stare into the cold, dead and yellow eyes of Mrs Bileman, as she proceeds to lecture you on the importance of timely submission of essays, particularly essays about the role of Roman fire on the expansion of the Greek empire.
"But Mrs Bileman," you interrupt, "the essay is on the role of Greek fire on the expansion of the Roman empire."
"Ha! My impudent fool," with a twinkie in her eye, "if you had done your essay you would know that these are the same thing!"
Ensnared! But how were you to know that the Roman and the Greek empires were one and the same? Panicked, you retch for ideas to escape whatever punishment awaits. Would that you had your own "Greek fire". You remember your favourite record, which is a very relevant pop culture reference because of the year it currently is, and the tragic story of the lead singer who, stricken with epilepsy, could not help but dance during live performances. Dancing. Not a good look for such a sombre band.
That's it: you can dance dance dance your way out of this situation.
Aurora borealis? At this time of the year? Localised entirely behind this ballet dancer? Photograph by TheDigitalArtist
You limber up with a few sideways hops before breaking into a full barrel roll. Perfect execution. You can see the newfound respect gathering like folded furrows in the fabric of Mrs Bileman's brows. A few of these, and she'll be contractually obliged to let you off the hook.
You do another barrel roll. But, too late, you notice a piece of egg on the ground. A piece of egg that meets your shoe and jumps up high into the air, while you crash down low. A piece of egg that falls down and lands on you.
"Boy," Mrs Bileman says, "do you have egg on your face." Photograph by stevepb
Mrs Bileman and Mr Odorman both run off to find the first aid officer, Mr Bodilyfunctionman. A perfectly executed fakin' and egg roll.
You get up, bar the door to the main corridor, and sit down at the computer. Mr Odorman's programs are still running, but the screen is locked. Damn! It needs a password.
"ODORMAN". No dice.
"ODOURMAN". No dice.
Sorry, Mr Odorman, but it looks like all unsaved progress will be lost. You take out your floppy disk containing the Internet and slam it into the disk drive, rebooting the computer and setting the BIOS to bypass the hardwired disk and boot from disk drive instead. Quick, hit 'F5' – before it's too late!
Gaia, the spirit of the Internet, speaks to you. Photograph by geralt
WELCOME TO THE INTERNET.
WORD PROCESSING, INCLUDING ESSAY WRITING, IS CYBER-NORTH.
GAMES, INCLUDING MULTIPLAYER DOOM NUKEM, IS CYBER-EAST.
DATABASES, INCLUDING STUDENT RECORDS AND LOCKER ASSIGNMENT, IS CYBER-SOUTH.
GEOGRAPHY, INCLUDING A MAP OF THE SCHOOL, IS CYBER-WEST.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?
/USR/BIN/INSTALL.EXE LOWER-CASE
What would you like to do?
This is an attempt at Democratic InteraCtive FICtion. By commenting, you can help choose Computer User #1's next step – and his or her fate. The most popular comment, for some arbitrary definition of popular, will be used as Computer User #1's next action, and I will create a new post describing the results of the action.