We don't talk about this enough.
I'm using this image of me because I'm quick to pack my bag and leave friendships that are filled with red flags.
I'd like to think that I'm a good judge of character which is why I probably have a small group of friends. I rate friendships so much, I'd pick friendships over romantic relationships anytime, anyday. There are friends who mean so much to me and I'm sure I would do pretty much anything for but something dawned on me recently.
Being supportive doesn't mean you agree with everything.
Alot of people think that because I'm your friend, I should totally and definitely go with every choice you make. That's just wrong. If you've got a friend who never questions your decisions, always agrees with you (I don't care if you always make the right decisions) even in situations that are questionable, never prompts you to reflect on past choices that might influence your current decision - then, you've got a red flag there. You can support friends by helping out, giving out advice when asked, telling them the absolute truth if you know it'd help. You're not a good friend if you can't give constructive criticism and offer solutions.
Why should they keep involving you in their drama if they won't take your advice and fix up?
If all you are to this friend of yours is a shoulder to cry on when things are bad, you might want to reconsider. I mean you're the first person they call when things aren't going their way, you're there to offer advice but they never take it. Seasonal friendship are big time red flags - if things are going well, you're never on their radar but let the slightest thing go wrong, they'll come seeking help and try to drag you into the drama. So stressful.
Friends who aren't exactly pleased when you've got great news but are the first to chat you up when you're tweeting sad songs.
Friendship is a big deal. You've got to care for someone like you'd do yourself. That's how I view it. If you know people who always show up when you're in a mood just to get the gist of what's happening with you currently- that's mental. They never see the "I just got a job" tweet, never see the "hey, are you free? Let's go celebrate my successful surgery" - it's like they're never truly happy when you're happy and honestly, that's just bad vibes.
"I'm more myself when they're not around"
Yo! Big red flag! Why can't you be yourself around friends? Please check that - If it's something you can talk to them about or come to terms with, do that. If your friends party a ton and you don't but they always making a big deal out of it, go your way. If they can be cool with you irregardless of how antisocial you can be, great. But no one should have to suffer amidst friends. Don't put up with nonsense because they seem cool Listen to Alicia Cara's 'Wild things'. You're better all alone than being in the midst of people who make you unauthentic.
Friends don't downplay your problems
If I come to you with issues and your response is to compare them to the ones you have or had, lmao baby, you need space. Nigerians tend to do that alot - a pure case of 'you no suffer reach me'. I don't know if that's the way they know to show empathy but it sucks. Someone can't come to you with problems and not have you devalue them. It's a huge red flag if it happens all the time. You're looking to be reassured, validated but instead you're drawn into a competition you didn't know previously existed.
You can't keep a secret?
C'mon! That's the whole eseence of Friendship. Knowing that you've got someone in your corner who you can trust enough to share stuff with, even secrets. If I tell you something in confidence and I hear it elsewhere, that's the end of the friendship, honestly. Huge red flag!
I'm sure there are so many more red flags but these ones come up top. Which other red flags do you know exist in friendships?