My anxiety is on the track tonight

I developed depression in 2015 when I was at the end of my past relationship. Heck! Maybe it was ending due to my anxiety which he can't deal with. Maybe I did have depression at the early age or during college where I can't go to sleep without listening to music. Or if I have something on my mind, I can't sleep until I do what's in my mind. I was manic. Maybe.. I never really have it check out but for sure, I have anxiety which often leads to depression. I love being alone tho' I know it will cause my anxiety to start creeping in.




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Just like tonight, my depression starts sitting proudly on my shoulder. I don't feel like doing anything. To even write this post, it took me 8 hours to finally starting. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep until I need to go out to do something. I know it is severe when I start to hallucinate in between dreams and reality. To be wake up and found out that I'm still alone in this house. I was scrolling thru my pictures, looking for things to write but failed miserably. 10 gigabytes of pictures, not one is good enough for my content tonight. In the end, I decided to just share this.





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It's a fight that I must win. All the time, I told myself, do not give in to the thoughts. When they say, go out, mingle around, they just don't know how hard for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I wish somehow, people would just cheer and congratulate me for waking up early or if they even meet me outside of my house. I don't want to use "anxiety" as a reason for me to not doing anything. God gave me anxiety because I'm stronger and I'm special. I hope whoever reads this, will acknowledge that I am not normal that normal confrontation won't do for me. I know for real why I became like this, a past that I can't change but everything happens for a reason.


Thank you for reading my entry tonight. I love you all! Goodnight!