Working for multinational telecommunication company had been my main goal for a while, and one fine day I was actually hired. When I got my dream job my life had completely new twist. Our company was launching in a new country, which meant that everything was completely crazy, extremely stressful and terribly fast. I was facing a big challenge and was entirely absorbed by the job, which kind of eliminated all other aspects of my life.
Paying high price for the achievement
I was coming home by the time my son had to go to bed. I had no time for my husband since I continued working from home and often worked on weekends. The mobile phone had become my enemy since it had 50 daily incoming and about 25 outgoing calls. It rang until almost midnight and annoyed me and my family. I had become a zombie, who did not enjoy life because life passed her by. But as all zombies, I was brainwashed and thought that it was temporary and soon things would get better.
Knowing that it’s time to quit
The first time I signed my resignation was when my son hugged me late in the evening when I came home, started weeping and asked me to ”tell the boss that you are out”. The resignation brought forward lots of promises, most important of which was ‘‘hiring someone to share my workload”. I signed my second resignation almost a year later from the first one and there was not even a job announcement for that ”someone”. By that time the stress and frequent nervous situations made me taking herbal pills, which helped me in the beginning, but not that much thereafter.
Finding out what you don’t want anymore
Finally that long-awaited ”someone” was hired and it seemed that I got back to the more or less balanced life. But something had happened inside me meanwhile and the dream job became just a job, the enthusiasm left me and there was no motivation anymore.I felt that my expectations were killed and I had nothing to look forward to. My week mornings were tough, just from the thought that I had to go to work.
My office hours were boring just because I knew that whether the project is completed well or not did not matter anymore, and I always had the feeling that I should do something else instead. My life values and the job were no longer compatible. Maybe it was because deep inside I felt that this job had no value anymore.
The corporate job cannibalized everything I wanted to do with my life. It left no time for my personal life and simple life pleasures. And what is more important it killed my dreams.
My creative and independent nature was waking up and making me feel trapped. I longed for freedom. There was a strong desire to follow my passion and to invest all the time and energy to what I love, as opposed to the prosperity of a breathless brand. Can’t tell why exactly, but back then I felt that I had no choice. I thought that it would be irresponsible to give up the income.
To me the move would be demonstration of egoism. I felt miserable and depressed knowing that things most probably won’t change. In short, I was merely existing and not living anymore.
Listening to the inner voice
But no matter what, my inner voice was talking to me all the time. It told me that ”there is a choice”, that I had to ”follow my dreams”, that ”being egoistic is OK sometimes” and that ”we have only one life to live”.
It took me quite a while to trust my inner voice, which told that I should have listened to my son and quit with the first resignation. It took a long time to realize what I would like to do with my life, but it took much more to get the courage to make the first step. Finally I signed the third, and final resignation.
Getting happiness through change
After two and half years I finally became free. The most important thing the job taught me was appreciating the free time, and the simple things in life.
Maybe I would not be happy if I did not have that job, because it somehow led me to where I am now. Now I can do what I like most – write. Now I do not have to hurry, I don’t feel guilty switching off my mobile and I don’t stress out (well, maybe I do in very rare occasions☺). I notice small, nice things on the streets, I have a smile and music for my mornings, and I know how it feels to have a happy family.I now read, learn and grow – both spiritually and emotionally. I feel complete and am in balance with myself. I’m back to the kitchen, back to the gym, back to my blog and back to all those nice things, which are still going to happen… Now I am together with the inspiration, the muse, the creativity and the freedom – making new plans, creating new writings and chasing new dreams.
Remembering what’s important
Before setting goals make sure that it’s what you really want. Trust yourself and don’t ignore your inner voice. When things get rough, it will whisper the right answer to you!