TEXT IN ENGLISH
Marriage, according to the Venezuelan Civil Code, is a contract. Friend, when you get married, you sign a CONTRACT, and as every contract you have rights and obligations, such as: fidelity, mutual support, maintenance of the common home and reciprocal assistance in the satisfaction of needs.
Why do I say all this? I have a goal, I promise...
Well, law class over, I begin to tell you this incredible but true story. It is the story of a relative whose name I will keep hidden, but whom we will call "Sarita", for the purposes of this story which, I repeat, is true.
Sarita, comes from a very traditional family, a bit macho I might add, she is the eldest daughter of 3 brothers, her parents did not have the opportunity to study, to have a profession so that was what they instilled in their children from an early age: study, go to college and be someone in life. Without telling much of the details of the situation, Sarita managed to graduate with a degree in Education, and turned to languages. She taught English classes in prestigious educational institutions and even in companies that hired her to teach the language to their employees.
Como les dije anteriormente, los padres de Sarita eran personas muy tradicionales, sobreprotectores con sus hijas mujeres y muy permisivos con el hijo varón, por esta razón Sarita no tuvo muchos pretendientes ya que solamente le permitían salir con una “chaperona” que usualmente era su hermano menor y que no fue el mejor de los hermanos, cualquier chico que intentara cortejar a Sarita, era espantado por su hermano.
Hasta que eso cambió a finales de los 80, Sarita trabajaba en una de esas empresas en las que impartía cursos de inglés, conoce a “Gololo” (así lo vamos a llamar, obviamente no es su nombre real), quien era hermano de una de sus alumnas. Total, que Gololo comienza a cortejar a Sarita, sus padres no estaban muy de acuerdo con la situación porque uno de los requisitos principales del papá de Sarita para “permitirle” a un hombre cortejar a su hija es que éste fuese profesional universitario, pero, Sarita ya tenía 29 años, la estaba “dejando el tren” y la mujer se había enamorado de este sujeto, así que sus padres no tuvieron más opción que aceptarlo en casa; al año siguiente ya había propuesta de matrimonio y todo el circo estaba armado.
Hay que destacar que, Gololo estaba desempleado cuando conoció a Sarita, así que ella para poderlo presentar como su novio formal en casa, tuvo que esperar que encontrara trabajo.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] That I told you before, Sarita's parents were very traditional people, overprotective with their female daughters and very permissive with the male son, for this reason Sarita did not have many suitors since they only allowed her to date a "chaperone" who was usually her younger brother and who was not the best of the brothers, any boy who tried to court Sarita, was shooed away by her brother.
Until that changed at the end of the 80's, Sarita was working in one of those companies where she taught English courses, she met "Gololo" (that's what we are going to call him, obviously not his real name), who was the brother of one of her students. Her parents were not very much in agreement with the situation because one of the main requirements of Sarita's father to "allow" a man to court his daughter was that he was a university professional, but Sarita was already 29 years old, she was "leaving the train" and the woman had fallen in love with this guy, so her parents had no choice but to accept him at home; the following year there was already a marriage proposal and the whole circus was set up. It should be noted that Gololo was unemployed when he met Sarita, so she had to wait for him to find a job before she could introduce him as her formal boyfriend at home.
A todas estas, Gololo se hace llamar a sí mismo “analista programador” pues en año 1655 jaja (exagero la fecha pero si, fue hace mucho mucho tiempo) hizo un curso en el INCES, que, para quienes no lo sepan es una institución gubernamental donde dan cursos de capacitación laboral, entiéndase bien: NO emiten títulos, simplemente certificados de culminación. Listo. Aclarado el punto, el tipo no profesional universitario.
Se nos casa la parejita en cuestión, y comienza la búsqueda incansable de bebé, pues como les dije, Sarita se agarró del último tren que le pasaba (según ella y la sociedad en general), hasta que luego de varios intentos fallidos, Sarita queda embarazada. Tuvo un embarazo de riesgo amigos, estuvo varios meses en cama hasta que, en mayo de 1995, dio a luz una niña.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] By the way, Gololo calls himself a "programmer analyst" because in the year 1655 haha (I exaggerate the date but yes, it was a long time ago) he took a course at INCES, which, for those who do not know, is a government institution where they give job training courses, understand well: they do not issue degrees, just certificates of completion. That's it. Having clarified the point, the non-professional university type.
The couple in question gets married, and the tireless search for a baby begins, because as I told you, Sarita grabbed the last train that was passing by (according to her and society in general), until after several unsuccessful attempts, Sarita gets pregnant. She had a risky pregnancy, friends, she was bedridden for several months until, in May 1995, she gave birth to a baby girl.
Para esas fechas, Gololo trabajaba en una empresa que se dedicaba a la fabricación de tanques de agua, le iba como el orto, pero ahí estaba. Cuando la niña tendría aproximadamente unos 3 años, despiden a Gololo por “reducción de personal”, el hombre tendría más o menos unos 37 años. Ahí comienza, la desgracia de la pobre y sumisa Sarita.
Amigos, tener un bebe es de las cosas más costosas en el mundo; pañales, alimentos y un enorme etcétera son gastos que no esperan cuando tienes un hijo. Gololo no conseguía trabajo, así que Sarita tuvo que retomar su vida laboral antes de lo planeado y los papeles se invirtieron, (de acuerdo con lo usual para la época, pues siempre el hombre se había visto como el proveedor del hogar y la mujer en el rol de madre y ama de casa) él a cuidar a la nena en casa y ella a la calle a trabajar. Así las cosas, fueron pasando los meses, que luego se convirtieron en años... Mucha gente intentó tenderle la mano, empezando por mi mamá que para la época tenía buen empleo y conexiones, pero él no aceptaba ni buscaba trabajo que no fuese “en lo suyo”. A estas alturas de la vida, Sarita se había vuelto emocionalmente dependiente de este señor, que no conforme con no trabajar tenía un pésimo carácter y aislaba a Sarita de su familia y amigos.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] At that time, Gololo was working in a company dedicated to the manufacture of water tanks, he was doing great, but he was there. When the girl was about 3 years old, Gololo was fired for "reduction of personnel", the man was about 37 years old. There begins the misfortune of the poor and submissive Sarita.
Friends, having a baby is one of the most expensive things in the world; diapers, food and a huge etcetera are expenses that are not expected when you have a child. Gololo could not get a job, so Sarita had to resume her working life earlier than planned and the roles were reversed, (according to the usual for the time, since the man had always been seen as the provider of the home and the woman in the role of mother and housewife) he to take care of the baby at home and she to the street to work. As things went on, months went by, which then turned into years.... Many people tried to reach out to him, starting with my mother, who at the time had a good job and good connections, but he would not accept or look for a job that was not "in his line of work". At this point in her life, Sarita had become emotionally dependent on this man, who not only did not work, but also had a very bad temper and isolated Sarita from her family and friends.
Perdí la cuenta de cuantas ofertas laborales realmente buenas llegaron a sus manos, evidentemente no eran de “lo suyo” porque el tipo no tiene profesión y más allá de no tenerla, realmente no sabe NADA de programación. La situación en Venezuela se comenzó a complicar y mantener tres personas, con el sueldo de un docente es misión imposible. Así que nuestro trabajador amigo comenzó a meterse un poco en la política y cuestiones de los CLAP, de esa manera conseguía cajas de comida extra. El 2016 fue una época durísima para todos en general, pero para esta familia fue 10 veces peor, honestamente Vivian de las cajas del CLAP, del sueldito de docente y obviamente de los bonos del gobierno, pues al trabajar para la comunidad, le llegaban todos; pero hay que ser honestos, eso no alcanzaba para nada.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] I lost count of how many really good job offers came into his hands, evidently they were not "his thing" because the guy has no profession and beyond not having one, he really knows NOTHING about programming. The situation in Venezuela started to get complicated and supporting three people with a teacher's salary is mission impossible. So our hard-working friend started to get involved in politics and CLAP issues, that way he could get extra food boxes. 2016 was a very hard time for everyone in general, but for this family it was 10 times worse, honestly they lived on the CLAP boxes, the teacher's salary and obviously the government bonuses, because working for the community, they got them all; but we have to be honest, that was not enough for anything.
Sarita no pudo ocultar que este hombre no trabaja desde el 98, la gente se daba cuenta que él siempre estaba en casa, en pijama, o haciendo jardinería, además de que su calidad de vida decayó terriblemente. Sin embargo, Gololo siempre ha sido un tipo que vive de las apariencias, no le gustaba que la gente supiera lo mal que lo pasaban económicamente, Sarita por su parte, para paliar la mala situación, vivía de préstamo en préstamo, pero sin capacidad de pago, además dio permiso de trabajo a su hija de 16 años porque necesitaba ayuda con los gastos de la casa. Honestamente no sé cómo hacía, pero si el hombre quería alguna “cosita” ella hacia lo imposible por complacerlo, y a día de hoy, esa situación se mantiene igual. No importa cuánto costara, este hombre tiene la capacidad de hacerle creer a Sarita que lo que el pide, es para ayudar a la economía familiar y ella lo compra. Sin pensar, sin dudar.
En enero de 2019, la hija de nuestra parejita decide emigrar, cansada de la situación en su casa, de ver a su madre trabajar en exceso y su papa en casa cuando ya era mayor de edad, es decir, ya no había niña que cuidar… la cosa se puso PEOR, pues era un sueldo menos.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH Sarita could not hide the fact that this man had not worked since 1998, people noticed that he was always at home, in his pajamas, or gardening, and his quality of life had declined terribly. However, Gololo has always been a guy who lives on appearances, he didn't like people to know how bad they had it financially, Sarita for her part, to alleviate the bad situation, lived from loan to loan, but with no ability to pay, she also gave work permit to her 16 year old daughter because she needed help with household expenses. I honestly don't know how she did it, but if the man wanted some "little thing" she did the impossible to please him, and to this day, that situation remains the same. No matter how much it cost, this man has the ability to make Sarita believe that what he asks for is to help the family economy and she buys it. Without thinking, without hesitation.
In January 2019, the daughter of our couple decides to emigrate, tired of the situation at home, of seeing her mother working excessively and her father at home when she was of age, that is, there was no more child to take care of... things got WORSE, because it was one less salary.
Pasaron alrededor de 3 años, la situación laboral de Gololo, seguía exactamente igual que hace 24 años atrás: un hombre en casa, ocioso, pidiendo y exigiendo cosas que NO puede comprar pero que NECESITA tener porque la gente no puede saber que ellos lo están pasando mal y ante todo, hay que cuidar las apariencias aunque para estas alturas ya no era un secreto para nadie que este hombre no se gana ni 1$ producto de su esfuerzo y su trabajo.
La situación económica de Gololo y Sarita, siempre ha sido precaria, siempre para lo justo, una buena comida era básicamente un lujo, Sarita había sido jubilada del trabajo, así que ya no era el sueldo de docente sino de jubilada, su hija desde el exterior les enviaba dinero pero no era suficiente por esta razón decide pedirles que se vayan del país con ella, así se le haría un poco más económico poderlos mantener.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] About 3 years went by, Gololo's work situation was exactly the same as 24 years ago: a man at home, idle, asking and demanding things that he CANNOT buy but that he NEEDS to have because people cannot know that they are having a hard time and above all, appearances must be taken care of although by now it was no longer a secret to anyone that this man does not even earn 1$ from his effort and work.
The economic situation of Gololo and Sarita, has always been precarious, always for just enough, a good meal was basically a luxury, Sarita had been retired from work, so it was no longer the salary of a teacher but retired, her daughter from abroad sent them money but it was not enough for this reason she decided to ask them to leave the country with her, so it would be a little more economical to support them.
Decisión tomada: Nos vamos!
Comienzan los preparativos para la migración, pasaportes, venta de la casa, venta de cosas, enceres, y un etcétera enorme, por supuesto, al vender las cosas de la casa, eso incluía una computadora de escritorio propiedad de Gololo, asi que el hombre se nos quedaba sin instrumento de trabajo, y ahí comienza el arduo trabajo psicológico para que Sarita haga el gasto de comprarle una laptop para que el señor pudiera trabajar, porque juró que al ya no estar en Venezuela, al no tener casa, iba a trabajar de CUALQUIER COSA; amigos, debo confesar que yo le creí, aun sabiendo que este señor tenia mas de 20 años sin trabajar pensé: al estar en un país diferente, no tener casa y vivir alquilado (que es un gasto que no espera) al ser un equis que nadie conoce, capaz se tragaba un poco ese tonto orgullo y trabajaba de lo que fuera, pero NO.
Ha transcurrido casi 2 años desde que se encuentra en su nuevo destino, y las cosas siguen exactamente igual… aun esperando “la oportunidad” de algún trabajo en “lo suyo” pero con la excusa de que no lo contratan por tener +60 años y que necesita de alguien que le ayude a entrar porque según él, no se consigue empleo aplicando normalmente en portales de empleo.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] Decision made: We are leaving!
The preparations for migration begin, passports, sale of the house, sale of things, belongings, and a huge etcetera, of course, when selling the things of the house, that included a desktop computer owned by Gololo, so the man was left without a working tool, and there begins the arduous psychological work for Sarita to make the expense of buying a laptop so that the man could work, because he swore that no longer being in Venezuela, not having a house, he was going to work ANYTHING; friends, I must confess that I believed him, even knowing that this gentleman had more than 20 years without working I thought: being in a different country, not having a house and living rented (which is an expense that he does not expect) being a "equis" that nobody knows, maybe he would swallow a little bit of that silly pride and work for whatever, but NO.
It has been almost 2 years since he is in his new destination, and things are still exactly the same... still waiting for "the opportunity" of a job in "his field" but with the excuse that he is not hired because he is over 60 years old and that he needs someone to help him to get in because according to him, he can't get a job applying normally in job portals.
Sarita por su lado, da clases de ingles de forma virtual, lo ha venido haciendo desde que se jubiló, dice que esta cansada, no puede darse el lujo de tener vacaciones porque si deja de dar clases, no le pagan, y si no le pagan…todo mal.
Yo veo la situación desde afuera, evito hacer comentarios y emitir mi opinión porque honestamente no es mi problema, pero es indignante verlo. Verla a ella justificar a su esposo, admirarlo y hacerle creer a todo el mundo que es un hombre trabajador cuando realmente es un parasito que ha tenido la suerte de haberse encontrado a una mujer sumisa y emocionalmente dependiente de él, ella necesita de su aprobación para todo, ¡para lo más mínimo! incluso para cortarse el cabello; lo usa al gusto de él.
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] Sarita, on the other hand, teaches English classes virtually, she has been doing it since she retired, she says she is tired, she can't afford to have vacations because if she stops teaching, she doesn't get paid, and if she doesn't get paid...all bad.
I see the situation from the outside, I avoid commenting and giving my opinion because honestly it is not my problem, but it is outrageous to see it. To see her justify her husband, admire him and make everyone believe that he is a hard working man when really he is a parasite who has been lucky enough to have found a submissive woman who is emotionally dependent on him, she needs his approval for everything, for the slightest thing! even to cut her hair; she wears it to his liking.
Estoy totalmente segura que el matrimonio, si bien es un contrato, cuya base es “el amor”, es decir, nos casamos porque estamos enamorados y queremos estar el resto de nuestra vida al lado de esa persona especial, no debe ser nuestra prisión, no debe privarnos de ser quienes somos, ¿hasta qué punto se aplica “la satisfacción de necesidades del cónyuge”? ¿hay amor en esa unión? Cuando ves a tu esposa y más importante aún: a tu hija pasar tanto trabajo y carencias y no hacer NADA para remediar la situación. Nuestro esposo/a debe ser nuestro apoyo y no nuestra carga y el amor debe empezar en nosotros mismos para con nosotros mismos.
Para reflexionar.
Gracias por llegar hasta aquí, Nos leemos pronto!
! [TEXT IN ENGLISH] I am absolutely sure that marriage, although it is a contract, whose basis is "love", that is, we get married because we are in love and we want to spend the rest of our lives next to that special person, it should not be our prison, it should not deprive us of being who we are, to what extent does "the satisfaction of the spouse's needs" apply? is there love in that union? When you see your spouse and more importantly: your daughter go through so much toil and want and do NOTHING to remedy the situation. Our spouse should be our support and not our burden and love must begin in ourselves for ourselves.
For reflection.
Thanks for making it this far, see you soon!
- Fotografía de mi autoria, tomadas con mi celular Samsung A32
- Banner realizado con CANVA.
- Traducido de español a ingles con: https://www.deepl.com/translator