Imagine walking into your house in the middle of the night and finding a skunk under your bed.
That happened to me a few nights ago. I’d finished work a little after midnight and got to the house about 12:30 in the morning.
I checked my cat’s food to see what she’d eaten. Her food was finished off. Unusual for a finicky cat. Gathering her bowls, I noticed a pile of feces on the floor. That pile did not belong to a cat.
Placing the bowls in the sink, I returned with paper towels and cleaner. That’s when I noticed the cat’s 15-pound bag of food in the middle of the room. Some hungry animal dragged the bag to the middle of the room and ripped a hole in the side.
While cleaning up the food, I sensed something watching me. Turning my head, there, between the nightstand and head of the bed, a little face peered back at me. Grabbing a flashlight, I dropped to the floor at the end of my bed and took a look.
It was a skunk!
How do I get a skunk out of the house in the middle of the night without it spraying?
I figured I could sleep in another room with the cat and leave the sliding glass door ajar. However, what if the skunk didn’t leave, and I stumbled out of my room during the night and the skunk got scared and sprayed?
I tried moving the bed to see what would happen. The movement alarmed the skunk, so it moved to a new spot under the bed to remain hidden.
As I was thinking and praying, it occurred to me to turn on the radio full blast.
Some of you might remember Operation Nifty Package. It was just before Christmas in 1989. Navy SEALs and Delta forces used deafening music to drive Manuel Noriega from the embassy of the Holy See.
Good! I had a plan and the skunk had a name. Now, I just hoped it wouldn't take 10 days. I needed sleep!
I grabbed my radio, found a rock station and pumped up the volume. I dropped the radio between the wall and the bed and stood back to watch.
The skunk started moving. It left the protection of the bed, waddled out of the bedroom and immediately made a right turn into the bathroom.
Sheesh! I’d forgotten to shut the door to the bathroom. But I’d learned something important. I could move the skunk around the house by blasting loud music.
Shutting the skunk in the bathroom, I tossed the cat into the living room. I closed all other doors in the house except for the back door. I found a twenty-five-foot extension cord and grabbed a broom. I blocked the hallway and did my best make a corridor of boxes that the skunk would have to follow to exit the house.
I plugged the radio into the extension cord, opened the bathroom door, set the radio on the floor and used the broom to push it along the floor to within inches of where the skunk was pressed between the base of the toilet and the wall.
I jumped into the stairwell of the basement, kept the door cracked, and watched.
After a few moments, the skunk wandered out of the bathroom and ran into my barrier in the hallway. I grabbed the radio from the bathroom and shut the door. Then I inched the radio closer to the skunk. It left the hallway and ran into the kitchen and followed the wall of boxes towards the open door.
But then it found a hole in my barrier and ran into the main room of the house.
I rearranged the barriers so it could not get back into the kitchen. Its only escape would be the back door. Then I grabbed a 50-foot extension cord from the basement.
When I got back into the room, I could not find the skunk. I thought it must have run outside while I was downstairs.
But something encouraged me to keep looking. I looked behind the curtain, turned over two upholstered rocking chairs but found nothing. The only remaining possibility was that it was underneath a nightstand that I use for holding my printer and some office supplies.
Dropping to the floor, I looked and sure enough, the skunk had pressed itself into the hollow space underneath the nightstand.
I grabbed the radio, turned up the volume and put the radio about three inches away from the base of the nightstand. In a few moments, the skunk crawled out and was in the corner behind the nightstand.
Holding the cord, I dropped the radio behind the nightstand, and the skunk started moving along the wall ever closer towards the back door. Once past the glass, the skunk turned right and scampered out of the house and ran under the truck.
I shut the back door, let the cat out, and fell into bed.
You’re probably wondering how the skunk entered the house in the first place. I’m guilty. I often keep the back door cracked so my little cat, Slider, can go outside while I’m at work. She’s crippled in her back legs and can’t do all the things that most cats can do. But she loves to go outside and lie in the tall grass, feel the warmth of the sun, and pounce on earthworms at night and do her best to chase the occasional field mouse around the yard.
I’m delighted to say, the skunk never sprayed.
But I am keeping the door closed more often now. Slider’s open door policy just can’t be extended to every animal on the farm.