Classing Ourselves Higher Than Others
Given that we esteem ourselves far more highly than others and also given the fact that we admire in others those things we lack in ourselves, how can we believe we are above others and simultaneously admire and idolise them?
I believe that we esteem ourselves more highly than others as we want for the perfect qualities that we imagine that others possess. We feel like we are more worthy of those qualities than the people that actually possess them. That's to say that the very individuals we admire are the same people that we are envious of. I'm not saying we are jealous of them in all things, but, just in those things that we see as missing in our lives.
The Desire Is Too Strong
As an example, when I was slightly younger, there was nothing I wished more than romance. The more I strived for it, the more it appeared to elude me. Consequently, I grew jealous of couples I perceived as having ideal relationships. Instead of being happy for them, secretly, I relished any bother in their relationship.
By being envious of others, we do not simply wish those things that they possess but inwardly wish that if we cannot have those things, then, neither should they. In our eyes, we are more valuable.
A Chain Effect Of Destruction
Therefore, each and every relationship is comprised of envious desire. By wanting to associate with others, we are not searching for more of these things that we have already got but instead looking for things that are lacking in our own lives. These are things that we would like, things that we want, however, they things seem elusive.
In wanting to be more assertive, I am not longing for someone whom I understand as being a pushover; I am searching for someone who stands his ground and is willing to be confrontational if he feels vulnerable.
Albeit I want to be more assertive, I cringe at the mere thought of assertiveness. From being annoyed by somebody insisting he has his way to recoiling in the presence of someone who is confrontational, it's as if I would like assertiveness in theory but not in practice. The very thing I want, the very thing I envy in others is the very thing that appears embarrassing to me.
Love or Envy?
I think that any relationship of any depth is a love-hate one. I feel like on the surface; we show that we need each other, but on the inside, we envy one another.
I believe the very things we want from one another are the very things that irritate us about one another. The tension that exists between two people is caused by one person wanting that which the other person has but is irritated by it in moderation and is disgusted by it in the extreme.