Today I had a serious conversation with an old friend of mine. It started with basic chit-chat about who and what we were years ago. We haven't seen each other for 7 years and now that we do, things are different. It's hard to say whether it's good different or bad different, but the both of us have seemingly changed a lot over the years.
We met when we were both 21years old. We were young, freshly squeezed spring chickens. Not that we're old now, I just mean we were both wild and free with no worries in life except for what we will be teaching the next day.
Weekends were dedicated to partying. We didn't need a reason, it was just a celebration of it being weekend. Tired? No way, not us! 3AM in the morning was far too early for us to go to bed, so we just kept on doing whatever we were doing.
Those were the days!
I was basically permanently ready to take on anyone or anything that wasn't to my liking, whereas she was more reserved, quiet-ish and couldn't even hurt a fly. Even though we were two very different personalities, we were the best of friends.
We are now back where we started. No, not like that! I mean physically! We met as young teachers at the school where we worked, and that's where we are again now. She has never left and I'm back again.
What's funny is, that now when I walk where I used to walk at school, I feel like I should still be the young and energetic teacher I once was. It feels like I've been asleep for 7 years and now I woke up at the same place, but I'm not me. I'm not the same and although everything looks the same, everything is different too.
As I search through Google to find the answers that I'm looking for, I feel somewhat irritated. There is a problem somewhere. See, I can only think of one stage where I am in now, and that is the "Midlife Crises". I've posted about my issue with gray hair and wrinkles that has been bothering me for some time now, already, but unfortunately for me, it's not as easy as that.
It's definitely a CRISIS. The problem with this theory, is that the "Midlife Crisis" seems to be for people over the age of 40 only, and I'm not there yet! Seems like women are more likely to get it earlier...
The signs are definitely there though.
Could there be something like "Pre-midlife crisis"? Could we call it PMC?
Wait!!! Did I just discover something???
I probably haven't as it's just my luck to think I'm being very clever and creative just to realize that someone beat me to it, again, which puts me right back into my PMC all over again.
Before I continue with this PMC thing that could easily just be a side effect of PMS, mind you, let me first continue with my story.
What came out during our conversation today is how we noticed the changes in one another after all this time. It's like we've switched roles. She is now the one with the big mouth and temper tantrums, and I'm the quiet-ish one who couldn't hurt a fly, described as "calm".
I refuse to be this version of me. Come on!
Or do I?
Of course I do! It's only my knees and my back telling me I'm not 20 any more...
And my hips...
Oh, and my tummy...
My swollen ankles, definitely...
Let's not forget about my three children...
My gray hair, the permanent wrinkle lines without a single smile, saggy breasts...
PMC again!
Okay, so to make myself feel better about this terrible situation I'm finding myself in, I came across this checklist which should point me in some or other direction:
Mmmmm, who am I kidding? This looked easier before I started answering.
At least I could answer NO to the "tattoo" and "Harley" statements.
Now I know that people will react to this post with statements like:
Embrace your wrinkles , You are beautiful the way you are , You've earned your stretchmarks types of answers, but that's not what this post is about. Obviously, nobody is getting any younger and I have made peace with my flabby tummy and stretchmarks after popping out three beautiful children. The issue here is the PMC going on in my mind about what is happening to me and my life and how I'm not yet where I thought I'd be at this age.
Don't get me wrong though. Complaining I am NOT! I know what it feels like to be treated as the baby, and that's not for me. I pride myself for being more mature for my age and having great friendships with people much older than me, so perhaps I'm looking at this change in life the wrong way?
Is it all in my head? Am I being crazy? Are we all being crazy?
I'm definitely not the first person feeling this way, am I? If I was, Google wouldn't have had all of these midlife crisis memes and jokes at all, would it?
It's just my turn, I guess. Some people have it early and some have it later, but sooner or later, it's something we must all face.
This too shall pass
Sooner or later...
Don't judge, you might be next!