Seamus McGurk was a tightwad too true,
He’d begrudge spending a penny or two,
On anyone, anything, even himself,
He wanted to build up some semblance of wealth.
He had, long ago, promised to visit his Great Aunt,
Whenever he spoke to her, this promise she’d chant.
Well, indeed, a promise thus made,
Constitutes a debt that’s unpaid,
And so he determined to pack up and go,
She lived in the North of the country, Northward Ho!
Far, far away, and then some more,
He totted up the cost, then dropped his jaw!
Seamus realized how much his ticket would cost.
Thereby ensuring his enthusiasm was lost,
Yes, far to the North resided Great Aunt Gladioli
Up where the distant land met the sky.
He’d have to work out a way to lessen the fare
If, indeed, he was ever to get there.

He’d heard that Rail Freight was cheaper than a seat,
And so he devised a plan this cost level he’d defeat.
He obtained a Tea Chest, nice and clean,
And wrote on that chest the address where Aunt Glad had been,
So, he’d pay less for transport, the Glad stay would be free,
Rhapsody for Seamus, where ever he’d be.
The day of embarkation, he jumped into the Tea Chest,
Now, he must not make a noise, he’d do his very best.
The Tea Chest was loaded into the Guard’s Van,
The last on the train, from where the engine began,
Feeling somewhat cramped Seamus persisted,
In sitting there, departure he resisted.
At long last he heard the Conductor leave,
To clip tickets, or, perhaps, himself to relieve.
Quick as a wink, Seamus was out,
To make himself more comfortable, what it’s about.

He looked around, didn’t have to be a boffin,
When he spied a lid ajar on a coffin.
“I can travel in recliner First Class,”
“Sure beats sitting in a box, on my ass.”
And so, in a nano-second, he was in.
Sliding on the lid quietly, without any din.
Just then, he heard the Conductor return,
He’d left his sandwiches in the Tea Chest, and so did yearn.
For his lunch that he’d foolishly neglected.
If only he’d thought more, before from his Tea Chest he’d defected.
The Conductor was sitting near, eating some pies.
Seamus could hear his gulping and contented sighs.
What was the time? Oh, Goodness Gracious.
Still many hours to go, how very vexatious!

He wanted to arrive, to see his Great Aunt Gladioli,
He desired so much to ask her just why,
She had to live so very far away.
He’d made the effort, what more could he say?
The Conductor licked his lips and cracked open a beer,
Seamus heard him guzzling it quite near.
Oh, woe to him that did forget his lunch,
How he desperately desired something to munch.
About now, no longer could he wait,
He slid back the coffin lid, looking for something his hunger to abate,
The Conductor stared aghast, with wide-open eyes!
This apparition sitting in the coffin with audible moans and sighs!
The Conductor, dropping his ticket puncher, ran out the door,
In a trice, Seamus was out and on the floor.
Seamus, in this, failed to see any mirth,
Being too concerned with his dwindling girth.
The Conductor returned, with a security guard.
They looked through the guard’s van, they looked very hard.
They failed to see Seamus, now back in the Tea Chest,
Not seeing him at all, certainly not at his best!
Within that Tea Chest Seamus was scoffing
His sandwiches, the only nutrient in the offing!