Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE JEWEL THIEF
It was a sunny day in London town,
A shifty character walked up and down,
Until he reached a grand jewellery shop,
Very famous, always worth a stop,
If you can afford many thousands of pounds,
When you do jewellery shopping rounds.
The shifty character’s name was Clarence,
With police record well beyond second offence.
As a con man and thief who did quite well,
With his accomplice called Barb Bell.
Today they started a nice little scam,
To lift some jewellery of many a gram.
First Clarence, in his finest garb,
Went into the jewel shop without Barb,
All the time he was slowly chewing gum,
While he waited for the salesman to come.
“Yes Sir, what can we do for you?”
“I would like your finest rings to view.”
So replied Clarence, “Show me the best, please do”.
“I am soon to be a happy bride groom”.
Replied the salesman, “Come into our viewing room”
“And now I want, above all things”
“To see your most expensive engagement rings”.
Clarence was seated in a comfy chair,
The salesman brought in a velvet box with care
He opened it up to show ring after ring,
Saying, “I hope your cheque book you did bring”.
Viewing each ring Clarence enquired of the price,
And then returned it saying, “Yes, very nice”.
Five thousand pounds was on the tag,
(The salesman’s attention was beginning to lag).
“I think I’ll have, my fiancé to bring”,
“In order to choose just the right ring”.
So here are your rings all given back.”
The salesman, astonished, said, “There’s one we lack”.
“I don’t have it”, said Clarence, quite perturbed.
The salesman jumped up, highly disturbed,
We are definitely short one ring
Then his security bell went ding-a-ling!
Two very brawny bouncers then did enter,
We’ll have to search you in the security centre.
Finding naught they passed him to a medical man.
Who snapped on rubber gloves his fingers to ram.
Into orifices where a stolen ring could reside,
But found that Clarence had nothing to hide.
He was escorted roughly from the jewellery store,
“We never, ever, want to see you anymore!”
What the jewellery detectives failed to heed,
Was that Clarence was of a most clever breed,
He had secreted the ring under his chair,
Secured by the chewing gum he had there!
Surprisingly the jewellers never did look,
Where the ring was put by Clarence the crook.
The next step in the scam was the following day,
Barb, Clarence’s accomplice, went to where the Jewellers lay.
Following the very same pattern now,
She viewed all their rings within an hour.
Finally, said she, “None of these do I like today”,
“So I’ll ask you to put them all away”.
She then got up and left pretty quick,
But not before she had pulled off her trick,
Of palming the ring from below the chair,
That tricky Clarence had put there!
Out of the store, she was in a trice,
Thinking that it had all been quite nice.
Around the corner Clarence she met,
“Did all go to plan?” She said, “Yes, don’t fret”.
And so it seems that they got clean away,
With a five thousand dollar ring for which they didn’t pay.
But remember “Crime doesn’t pay” is still in vogue,
If one may be tempted to be a rogue.
So sooner or later within the tricks of the trade,
An enormous mistake will surely be made.
And that is when Constable Clod will say,
“You’re bang to rights!” that very day.