The conductor on the Pullman Coach,
Looked a little devious, ran like a roach,
Scurrying back and forth in the corridor, near, and far.
Proudly in charge of the Pullman Car.
Herbert Hassle was the Conductor in question,
He supervised First Class passengers, no indigestion.
The Dining Car must function well,
The only aroma permitted, a delectable smell!
Sleeper Cabins, beds must be turned down!
In time for passenger’s retiring before arrival in town.

Herbert Hassle regarded his passengers a royalty,
To his job and company he had great loyalty!
Until he came upon one Ebeneezer Scrooge,
A mingy man with an appetite huge.
An appetite for free things, like water from the bar.
Scrooge made his way to the Dining Car,
Whining, whinging, not tipping, the way Scrooges are!
Despite cramped quarters the galley offered seven course meals,
A wine waiter served select vintages, universal appeals.
Passengers paid a-la-carte for their order.
But not for Ebeneezer that inveterate money hoarder.
Ebeneezer Scrooge had bread rolls and water,
The waiter suggested a nice glass of Porter.
But frugal Ebeneezer would have none of this,
“I don’t waste my pennies paying for piss!”
It is not that Scrooge was short of a pound.
He had millions of them, that would astound.
“It pays in life, to be most frugal.”
“Why pay for a trombone, when you have a good bugle?”