“Arrogant people are just very insecure, using their arrogance as a shield to pretend that they’re not.” My father’s words. I heard that so many times. He was always quite the opposite, and was very focused on teaching us the same. Be modest, but always know what you can do, and what you can’t do. Bragging is not something we grew up with.
I admit, there are moments in life that I brag with. For example that one time when a fly flew by my ear, and I jumped 180 degrees and smacked it right in the air. I still can’t believe I pulled that off, and it was awesome.
My father was right, though. Most people that brag do so because they feel less. They need to convince others that they successful in order to convince themselves of that. Convince others that they’re good people, so they can feel as such. Despite all evidence against it. I have encountered so many of those people, and still do. With time and experience, it’s easier to spot them, like reek smell of insecurity.
I prefer those who are genuinely insecure. There’s no shame in that. Unfortunately, today’s society is rather merciless with the perceived weak, disregarding their potential. I like working with them. Once I find out how to motivate them, they usually turn out to be great co-workers, very open to learning and improving. And that joy when they get something difficult right? When they realize that they did a good thing? Priceless. That happiness is something different. As is seeing their confidence grow. It’s so gratifying.
Of course, they can get cocky, too. As we all can. Keeping the ego in check while building out the self-esteem and the ability to value oneself is quite difficult. And the ego always gets in the way. It’s our biggest opponent in life. Keeping us from examining ourselves, accepting critique and using it to improve. Tricking us into believing that we’re better than we really are. Faking self-confidence.
My ego was responsible for my marriage failing. Well, responsible for getting into it in the first place, for the wrong reasons. I thought I was the right person. The savior. The one that could make her happy. And I genuinely tried, but it took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t, and even longer to admit that. It wasn’t what I wanted, nor what I could do at that moment. And clinging on to it for not wanting to admit that made it a lot worse.
It’s not like my ego is completely gone now. I’ve gotten better at noticing when it’s pushing itself into the foreground. When it tries to take some control back. It’s not a 100% hit rate, but quite close. And it’s made my life a lot easier. I don’t have to find excuses all the time anymore. I don’t have to uphold and maintain a structure that is based on nothing real. And that’s why I keep working on it. Over time, life gets a lot less complicated without the ego taking shots at it.
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