Hello Freewriters!
I decided to use one of my own photos in order to relay the story in the realist light possible. When I saw this prompt, it automatically brought out body image issues that I secretly have with myself. Only two or three people in my life know about my body dysmorphia issues and how I struggle with weight. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a person that looks overweight and obese, although I have been told that I really don't look that bad. I think people are just trying to be nice LOL! So please be respectful of my story and photo as I am deciding to be vulnerable today.
For those of you that do not know about the 5-Minute FreeWrite, check it out here
They give a prompt, and you have 5 minutes to write! All of my writings are considered Autobiographical Fiction. They are not necessarily real. You never have to feel sorry for me, this is the way I create.
FAIR WARNING: Most of my stories are sad in some way. Be prepared to have the feels!
Now, onto the writing!
Mountain Dew
I look over at my fiance, who is holding a Mountain Dew in his hand. This is his fourth Mountain Dew of the day. I feel like if I watch him drink that Mountain Dew, I'm gaining wait for him. Yep, just gained a pound. Just by smelling the bubbly brew from across the room.
His thin, muscular stature doesn't change no matter how much he eats or drinks during the day. He never has to worry about counting calories or exercising. At 6-foot he weighs 160 lb, with a cut six pack that laughs in the face of my round belly. At five foot two, I step on the scale and then close my eyes because I know if I open them and see what I weigh that it will ruin my whole week.
Don't Look.
Don't Look.
Ugh...
Yes, the scale said 158. I just don't get it. I count calories all week. I let myself starve. I walk an hour. I only cheated once today. I haven't had a Mountain Dew in six months. And still I am weighing in at 158. And here is my fiance, chugging away at those sodas and eating hot dogs, chips with dip, pound cake! Can you believe he has the nerve to eat fucking pound cake in my presence?! Still looking fit and beautiful, cut and like Adonis.
I wonder if he even thinks about weight like I do? I wonder if anybody does? I wonder if anybody self loathes and looks in the mirror and sees a big fat 5-foot whale like I do. That mirror is my enemy, and I hate the reflection that I see. No matter how good I am on the inside, the outside always ruins everything for me.