My initial plan was to write an educational post about drugs and how they're bad for our health but after popping two pink pills and washing it down with cheap gin, I figured writing about breasts would do the world a bit more good.
I think about our society today, considering all the things going on and I can't shake the feeling that they are in some way related to mammary glands.
Crimes related to breast are as old as time itself, it was in 0022BC and God had just finished the work of creation; the skies were in place, oceans and rivers filled with aquatic life, the hills stood in order and creatures of the air and land roamed freely in the garden of Eden, living in perfect unity with the first man, Adam.
In years to come Adam felt lonely due to numerous years of wanking led to a rupture in the blood vessels of his penis and countless failed attempts to rape have consensual sex with the early goats.
God got tired of watching this pitiable horror show and decided to create woman by drugging Adam and putting him into a deep sleep, taking out one of his ribs and shoving it into a different mould of clay with breasts. Her name was Eve and indeed, her breast spelled the eve of man's downfall.
The Holy book makes no mention of Eves physical qualities, however, archeological findings fused with carbon dating and other sciency shit showed Eve to be something like or close to the photo below.
It is neither stated where nor why but the introduction of breast for Adam's pleasure was accompanied by the devil's first visit to earth.
According to the completely logical and reasonable Holy Bible, The devil first appeared to Eve in form of a snake, cajoling her to eat from the tree that bears the forbidden fruit, a tree conveniently left in the middle of the garden by God just for kicks. It is stated that Eve and her extremely perfect breasts spent a while dialoging with this horny reptile and in due time, was convinced to eat of the forbidden tree.
It is then further stated that after the first woman ate from this fruit, her eyes were "opened" and she suddenly noticed her nakedness(size of her breasts) and Adams unusually(unhealthilly?) big nut sack, so she offered the first man some "sense"; Adam from this day foward became the first of many men in history to be completely and utterly blinded by breasts.
If Adam, born a perfect human who lived for over 900 years, met physically with God and even had conversations with Him could still go around to disobey the Almighty because of breast, then who am I? A mere man, born into imperfection and sin that I may not reverent and treat breasts with the utmost level of honour, grace and dignity.
The first man saw God and Breast; he made his choice, I've made mine.
My feelings are carefully documented in this symphony below
I nominate 
Here's a Link to theintroductory post https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-20
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