You are conflicted, and you can't help it. You just got off the phone with him, he whom you love. He's hundreds of miles away from you, so you can't see him. You can only feel him. But sometimes it's not enough- loving from a distance.
You love him and he was the only one until this guy came along, this new guy that ticks all your boxes. Your boyfriend isn't bad, but you have cravings. Cravings that can only be satisfied by physical presence. This guy, the new guy, comes bearing gifts. You tell him you have someone, but he says it's OK. That he can be there for you anyway. So you let him stay, convincing yourself that you are strong enough to hold him off and keep him as just a friend. But every time you see him, he reminds you of something available that you could have, but like a forbidden fruit, you can't have him. You can't let him touch you, even though you can't let him go too. So he stays there, waiting, like some backup plan.
You love him— your boyfriend. But he's not perfect. He makes a lot of mistakes, and then the distance between you makes it more difficult to settle the littlest of alternations. So each time you both are not talking, you start having these thoughts...these thoughts about this other guy here who treats you like a queen. You want to stay faithful to your boyfriend, but these days it seem like he's making it difficult to.
He's kind— this new guy. He's always available at times you need him and even when you don't. Those days when you are stressed out and feeling like unwinding, he comes to take you out. Of course, because you are faithful to your boyfriend and you have nothing to hide, you tell him. Yes, each time you go out with this new guy, you tell your boyfriend about it because you got nothing to hide.
He's good looking, and charming, but most importantly, he's funny— the new guy. He's a great company, so you have become fond of spending time with him more. Movies, bars, chilling, eateries, his house, your house, everywhere. Your boyfriend starts becoming uncomfortable with him. Your boyfriend starts becoming insecure, because he loves you and he knows you are good enough to make other guys want you for the same reason he does. But you think your boyfriend is being a dramatic insecure overbearing lover. Because you are getting tired of your boyfriend's insecurity, you stop telling him every time you go out with the new guy. After all, it's an innocent friendship...until the day he kissed you in his car after the movies while he dropped you home.
"Oh no! What have I done?!" You ask yourself.
"It's a mistake", you tell yourself.
"It's never happening again", you tell yourself.
"Don't do that again!", you tell him.
He apologises. He tells you he'll never do it again. But truth is, the kiss was good. You liked the kiss, and you hated the fact that you liked the kiss. But you liked it nonetheless. So when barely a week later, on the couch in his living room, while you were both watching that romantic movie that evening, he leaned over and kissed you, you pretended to first object, but he didn't stop, so you wrapped your arms around him and kissed him back. And then there, on the couch, you let him slide into the gates you swore to your boyfriend only him was allowed to enter.
The sex was great, because the distance between yourself and your lover had created in you an urge that needed to be filled. You would go on to have many of such escapades with this "bestie" of yours, while at the same time telling your boyfriend how faithful you are. At that point, you will realise that love doesn't stop anyone from cheating, but discipline and self control does.
This new guy would eventually get bored after a couple of months and slowly you both would drift apart. He would become less and less funny and suddenly he would become too busy to spend time with you like he always does. Eventually, he would become someone you used to know. And you would go back to texting your boyfriend how much you miss him and