When you wake up still half asleep look at the clock, you have slept past your time and missed your appointment. There was a time in my life when I would have jumped out of bed straight in to the shower head racing looking for an excuse to why I was late. To day I looked at the clock and thought fuck it, and pulled the duvet over my head. "Nothing mattered" I was in that negative way of thinking and could not find the courage to get out the pity party in my head.
Then my friend phoned me , when I seen her name light up the phone I smiled without thinking as she is one of the good friends I have. My friend was also feeling low. This feeling I know only to well. Throughout our conversation I focused on more positive times we had shared together and reminded her of all the things we still have to do and see. I was up moving about starting to feel better more positive.
You see I'm a talker not a writer. My thoughts become clearer when I'm talking. We discussed our hardships and how they where going to get better, as this is just a passing moment. I'm good at listening and empathising with others, also at turning negatives in to positives when I am talking of someone else. So before long we had made a plan. We both felt better and we are meeting up next week for a girly night, this is a great outcome. It's good when you have someone to bounce off of and get the positive vibes going.
Last week I wrote about feelings I had buried for so long, it's took to this week for me to actually take the time to feel them. It took me to speak to my friend there to realise how we let the past influence our future. We are always talking of the past, judging ourselves on our past actions and choices. Is it not time we looked at the past and felt the pain we have been harbouring for all those years. Writing allowed me to feel the pain I was hiding and by feeling it I've learned from it. If we don't except this pain and let it go, it will keep controlling our lives. The past is a lesson we all need to learn from. The future is where we are going so should we not put our focus their, and only use the past so we don’t repeat those same mistakes?
Today I'm going to make a conscious decision to not pull those covers back over my head when I wake with that black cloud, I will jump up and get straight under that water and wash yesterday's thoughts away. Then if I need to ill phone a friend, even if it is only for us both to talk of Positive thoughts, and the good stuff we have planned for the day ahead. We all need good friends. When you find them Keep them close, keep them in your future thoughts and you keep them in their future not the past that can haunt. If we look hard enough we can find what we want. Let it be the positive thought of the future and where we want to be going