It is still dark outside when I wake up realizing that I am nursing a headache.
while it isn´t uncommon for me to wake up early in what seem like endless nights, it is very uncommon for me to nurse a headache.
I wonder what would that be ? the energies from the sun ? not drinking coffee the previous day ? would the addiction go so deep..?
I try to go back to sleep but to no avail. I just lie in bed feeling drained and unenergized, trying to find motivation to get up.
when I finally pull out from under the duvet I am pleased to find out there is no frost outside for a change and the temperature is around 5*C due to the night having been overcast.
I start slow, doing my small routines and rituals.
the sky slowly clears and a sun shines a cold warmth.
my energy levels only allow for the bare minimum. some washing, topping up the water deposit, not much else.
I drag a garden chair to the Bamboo side of the nursery where the energy is very Zen and I just collapse into it, hoping to get some warmth through.
I take my boots and socks off and place my feet flat on the soil.
surprisingly, it isn´t as cold as my brain anticipates. I am relieved. feeling vulnerable as I do, I take this as a good omen.
I sit there and soak. sunlight, some warmth.
a Woodpecker doing his thing in the distance, the occasional insect zooming by, birds chirping.
I can hear my neighbor hammering his fence posts and I am happy he is not at the same state as I am.
thinking that my large rock project will have to wait for another day. sitting waiting in the wheelbarrow, the rock seems way too overwhelming for a day like today. maybe next year..
a thought comes to mind, about how I am perfectioning the art of appreciation even when my surrounding reality is far from being optimal. I learn to flow and trust what is coming. what is supposed to happen and unfold in each given moment.
and even though I am well aware that being positive is just another choice, I do not have to struggle with it as it seems to be my default. I am thankful for that too.
as my headache fades away and the fresh morning breeze dies down, I feel way better.
I manage to gather some well needed warmth and I realize how much writing this post helps me in shifting the energy and creating a better rest of the day, the little still left of the year.
I will be receiving the new year sitting in my garden chair, bare feet, enjoying lazy bliss and remind myself that all it takes sometimes is stopping, observing and soaking.
wishing us all a peaceful end of the year and a happy new one. sending you all lots of love and light and I will see you on the other side ❤️
#OCD
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