Even if we get what we desire the rest of it is mostly disappointment. Our lives won’t balance out. No matter how hard we try the book closes with an unfinished chapter.
When you’re young you rush at life like a warrior in battle. Your ambition is off the chain. The world is yours like scarface boasted in that seminal drug film. You want it all and you believe you deserve everything that’s coming to you. You might thrive at first. Life might pay you in gold. Does not take long to see the cracks though. One little rip in the facade followed by multiple ruptures and suddenly reality smacks you hard in the face. It stings with a hurt that you have never felt before. You blame the world. And as your shiny outlook fades you become cynical.
We are mostly cynical living our lives with fake smiles. Some find love but the money was never right. Others own golf courses yet they can’t sleep in their own bed. Millions of self help books can’t save us. That guru life blogger is actually a xanax junkie but he fakes the zen for his fanatical audience. We are always shocked when truth explodes in our faces. We can hardly breathe because we thought “They were happy”. Didn’t see that coming did you? No way it could be a ponzi scheme. He was way too confident. Well he was a ticking time bomb that life detonated when the time was just right.
Sometimes we are given moments of clarity. Life shows us exactly what’s going on. Most choose to ignore. They rather keep the veil believing that things will turn out different for them. It won’t happen to me they tell themselves. We want to believe that life always happens to the other person. For sure it does but eventually it happens to you. And for all the joy that life gave you, when disappointment comes the happiness is but a footnote in your memory. The negatives always blocks out your sun. Feels like you were never alive. Just a zombie marking time waiting for oblivion.
I always try to keep a sense of humor and laugh at the irony of existence. My day might have been wonderful and then the night turns into a horror show. We might get exactly what we wanted but when we lose, disappointment can overshadow everything.