E-N-V-Y.
ENVY. A deadly 4 letter word. It is a feeling of discontentment or cynicism towards someone else's luck, achievements, status, looks or physical possessions. Envy is different from Jealousy. Envy is longing for things that are not yours while jealousy is fearing to lose something you value.
Let's get real here.
At some point of our lives, we feel envious towards other people. To our friends, our neighbors, our schoolmates, our office mates and even to our own family. I, at times feel it too. As human as others, sometimes I do feel inadequate and ask why other people are given too much with less effort while I'm here, frantically digging for good things but only getting some. It's unfair, right?
Many of us are already aware that envy is part of the seven deadly sins in the Christian belief. It is along with PRIDE, GLUTTONY, LUST, ANGER, GREED and SLOTH. These sins are different from mortal sins but can be considered as human excesses that overstep the boundaries of life. These sins are tagged as the forgivable type but still, we all know that it is not right.
Now, if envy is indeed part of human excesses, why we, people feel it at times whether they we like it or not? To me, envy arises from the feeling of insufficiency at some point of our lives. In my case, I grew up poor and somehow, I've desired some things I couldn't get. I used to despise people enjoying much more than me. The thing is, I knew it was wrong but I just let it grew inside me. Until it ruined my capacity to do the right thing. It affected my well-being. It affected my relationships with other people. One day, I just realized that I need to kill the monster inside me.
Thinking about what's lacking can bring you negative thoughts and emotions. Harboring it inside you for too long can push you to do drastic things - even if it's bad for you or to other people. Extremely dangerous.
Right now, I learned to tone it down. Thanks to the 8 letter word: M-A-T-U-R-I-T-Y. Indeed, maturity generally comes with age and experience ... though sometimes, some people might have missed the flight. Kidding.
Now, I want to share with you how I have managed my envious self:
*** Disclaimer***
I'm not saying I don't feel envy anymore. All I'm saying is that, I'm making a conscious effort to do the right thing!
1. I Appreciate things.
Sometimes, because of focusing too much on the stuff that you don't have, you have forgotten what you already have. If you only look properly, you will realize that there are lots of things you should be thankful for. You have a happy family? Be grateful. You have a home to live in? Be contented. You have someone who loves you? Be happy!
2. I avoid comparing my self to others.
Envy starts when you compare. This is the key phrase: "You can't have it all!" There's no perfect life and each of us has a unique journey and purpose. Instead of looking away, look at your own capacities and using the available tools, pave your own way to success. Self-acceptance will definitely go a long way.
3. I've literally guarded my self from feeling envy.
When I feel spiteful towards others, I will reprimand my self for feeling such. You yourself should know that it is wrong and you have to control it. Be on top of it. Don't let it control you. Understand where the envy is coming from and learn to resolve it yourself. It is not healthy at all. Instead of feeling bitter towards other individuals, make them as your inspiration to reach your goals.
4. I've taught my self to be happy with other's luck or achievements.
It is actually related to number 3. When I feel the green-eyed monster in me, I will stop it and kill it. I will mentally teach my self to be happy for other people. Why? Simple. Because I want them to be genuinely happy for me too when I achieve something. It such a wonderful feeling.
5. I improve my self.
I take good care of my looks. I read a lot. I learn new things. I explore on my capacities more. If you feel you're at your best, you'll feel confident and proud of your whole being. Your good outlook in life can somehow change the aura of the people around you.
6. I've accepted the reality that there's always better and brighter than me.
Even if you think you're the prettiest, the brightest and richest in the world, there will always be someone on top of you. It's an irreversible fact. Let's face it, we strive hard to reach the top in all aspects in life. But whether we like it or not, there will always be someone who will exceed our given abilities. Don't stress yourself out - that is life. Just embrace the truth.
7. I've stopped competing with others.
Now I fully understand that indeed, life is what you make it. I mean, you are what you do. When I do things for my self, I do it for my own improvement and not because I want to impress or outdo others. I shun away from competitions. I make my moves according to my own pace and capacity and not to keep up with someone. If all your actions are just to satisfy your self set goals and not to trample anyone, you're on the right path.
Anyhow, some healthy competition is helpful at times, though, competing with an envious heart and mind is not good.
Well, life has its own twists and turns; ups and downs. We will not know what will happen next. However, if you keep your self-restraint from feeling envious towards other people, your life will become easier and happier. It is a fact. Peace of mind is such a wonderful asset, isn't it?
Proverbs 14:30, “A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones.”
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