Think Fast

I can't quite remember what it was, but something happened to me the other day that gave me the idea for this post. Luckily, although I don't remember the specific incident, I wrote down some of the highlights in my Google Keep notes so that I should at least be able to present you something cohesive. If I had to guess, I was probably thinking about my nieces and nephews and how I hope that one day they remember a bit of wisdom I gave them or something that they know I used to enjoy and it makes them smile.

The problem is, I don't really feel like I have the capacity to impart that kind of wisdom on them. While I consider myself pretty smart, I would never categorize myself as quick witted. Yes, I know a little bit about a whole lot of things, but if you put me in a social situation, I'm not the guy that is going to have a quick comeback or charismatic presence.

I'm sure everyone has had that occasion where they are in a conversation, then later at night they think about all the things they should have said. That's literally me every conversation. I'll be driving home after whatever event and suddenly think "I should have said...." You know that saying it's a blessing and a curse? This is definitely just a curse.

The problem is, I've always been like that. For some reason, I just am not able to pick up on social cues very well. Which in and of itself isn't a big deal, and it doesn't mean that I am doomed, but paired with the lack of a quick wit, it makes social interactions very difficult. Let me paint a scenario for you (true story incoming). Let's say I find myself at a professional conference. It's lunch time and I find an empty table to sit down at to eat, because heaven forbid I sit at a full table and actually have to make conversation.

So there I am sitting and eating my lunch when someone else comes along and asks if all the empty seats at my table are available. I say absolutely, help yourself. I then proceed to sit and finish my lunch without uttering a single word to the person who sat down at my table.

Pretty sad right?

I truly believe that all of us have a social battery and mine needs to be pretty close to full for me to be able to function in situations like that. On the other hand, give me a couple glasses of whiskey and I probably won't shut up.

Which clearly points to the problem being with some inherent or underlying inhibition that keeps me from being able to make those interactions "unlubricated".

I know this probably seems like a bunch of disparate topics, but I really feel they are all interconnected on some level. My brother in law is pretty amazing when it comes to things like public speaking and interacting with people. It's like he is a natural, and while that might be true at some level, I also know he attended the Dale Carnegie classes at one point in his life.

I occasionally wonder if something like that would make a difference for me. I also wonder if my awkwardness is tied to some kind of self preservation on my part. I remember in grade school I would often get ridiculed for making comments that seemed to be off topic to the other kids, but in my mind there was a unique connection to the actual topic that was being discussed.

Perhaps my current inability to small talk is the result of a defense mechanism I unknowingly created. If you don't talk to people, they can't make fun of you. Right?

Ultimately, if my nieces and nephews only remember me for how much I loved them versus some amazing thing I said, then it doesn't really matter anyway, but I still find myself trapped in the memories of all the things I should have said.