The Creation of CG
Once my wife and I decided we wanted to have a child, the next step was finding the ideal route to conception for us. Initially, we thought of a couple friends who might be willing to help, but after much thought, we realized that our friends wouldn't be ok with their biological children not knowing them as their father. Although we were ok with the idea of sharing, the level of criticism and questioning in our small community may have been too much to bear for us and for our child.
We were well aware that this decision would indeed have an impact on our child's life. I am completely enthralled with my ancestry and frequent ancestry.com searching for more information. Because of my entanglement in the world of DNA, it was very clear to me that our child would need to know where he or she came from. This took anonymous donation off the table completely. So, here we were, having crossed two of three methods off the board. The third option involved a bar and a drunk man. Needless to say, we both raced back to the drawing board.
Enter the worldwide web. Within minutes I found myself on a website called KDR. I immediately started receiving messages from men offering their services. I ignored all of them. To say I was uneasy about this process is an understatement. I am forever grateful for my son, but I still don't understand the willingness of donors to do what they do. I can't imagine having biological children that aren't under my roof. Logically, one of my first questions to any donor I was considering was "why do you do this?" Here are some responses I received:
-"I do this to help the LGBT community have children."
-"I started doing this for the money, anonymously. I found that I enjoyed helping people in this way more and am willing to meet my children when they are older."
-"Some people enjoy gardening and watching flowers grow. I enjoy watching people I've created grow."
We ultimately decided on a donor who was currently in graduate school about two hours away from us. He was willing to meet in person and talk. Rob had donated through sperm banks and passed the rigorous tests required to make money as a donor. He was able to produce the documentation to prove he was disease free and healthy. He was also willing to meet our child later should he or she want to. Rob was the perfect fit.
We met in person and talked for awhile. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't uncomfortable. I mean, we were exchanging bodily fluids in a public place. Seeing as how we had never met, this was the only way I felt comfortable handling the donation. Once the donation was made, Rob left.
The donation occurred on February 16th. I knew I was pregnant within a week. My body began changing. I know I felt the moment implantation occurred. Call me crazy, but I did. I was teaching class and had to sit down. On February 29th, I saw a faint line. I went and bought a digital test and there was the word. PREGNANT. I dropped the test. I called my wife. We panicked together.
The pregnancy was a bumpy one. We had a lot of ups and downs that eventually led to an early birth at 30 weeks and 5 days. I'll be writing many posts around the pregnancy, arrival, and life with our son. I hope to help other couples considering known sperm donation and am open to questions and will respond honestly. Thank you for joining me!