Ever since a young age I have wondered why people stay together in a sexless marriage despite having desires to have sex elsewhere. Even with our concrete jungles and the modern miracles mankind has created, we still cannot escape our most primal desires. While for almost all of civilized history, most in the west were taught to suppress these feelings and ignore them, we are starting to see a variety of changes take place in what I believe is a new upcoming sexual revolution.
Religion for the most part was a huge factor for people forcing their desires inward and ignoring them, but as religion in the west has taken a much less important role in everyday life than the past, people are exploring themselves sexually. While in the past you might have waited for marriage, today many people like to “play the field” so to speak and find out what they really want. In my opinion if you choose monogamy, this method will most likely help the longevity of marriages because even if many don’t believe it, sexual chemistry is extremely important to a healthy marriage.
There are those that are also taking other options to marriage, like open marriages which allow sexual partners outside the relationship, while maintaining a family unit at home during the same time. Personally, I could not do this as I believe I would find myself acting selfishly and not wanting to share, but that is just me. For many it has been working and has been helping marriages find new life and effort from both partners. If we all have these primal urges to have more than just one sexual partner for life, does this mean that we should move away from monogamous relationships?
For the most part in nature, despite a few particular animals, most do not mate for life, nor do they have a single sexual partner. From an evolution standpoint, doing so would be disastrous. If there is a point to life, in basic terms I would say it is probably just to pass on our DNA and expand our species. Most animals will try and impregnate as much as they can , thus insuring the survival of their species. We too were the same, with rape and multiple impregnation being common amongst early humans. There are theories as well that the reason men go soft after ejaculation is partly because they would leave the scene soon afterwards.
We have come long and far from those days, but we can not, for now, change the DNA and urges within us to act out sexually. Perhaps it is time that people take a chance and try out some different more explorative sexual relationships and see how they work and if they could be open to them. I myself, like many have been weeded into the camp of thinking that anything other than monogamy is wrong and I would have a very hard time moving forward from that chain of thought, even if it might be the best thing for me. I imagine many feel this way in their own relationships as well, wishing they could try something new, but afraid to ask their significant other.
At what point though, do we realize that a certain system isn’t for everyone. Divorce rates have been at staggering levels for years now and seem to be more tied to economic times than anything else, meaning the only thing keeping some people together is tax breaks and government benefits. Perhaps in the future, we will move away from such formal establishments and move towards more of a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship that continues until you are no longer happy and then you move on. No paperwork, no common law marriage, you just settle things yourself. If children are involved then you obviously might want to use a court system, but that is past the scope of this article.
I myself hope that maybe one day I can see more open mindedly to other who chose alternative relationship paths and possibly have the courage to try one out myself to see if I like it. At the same time, I am afraid that it might cause a divide between a future significant other and myself, that could never be able to be mended. I would love to hear about anyone who has experimented like this in the past or is currently doing so and how you make it work.
-Calaber24p