On The Road
With this post I'll continue with my love story trying to focus on the positive sides of it but surely I'll also be mentioning the negative side too! Unfortunately, the positive & the negative are the just the 2 sides of the same thing. The Eastern philosophy advices us not to allow those amplitudes to affect our well-being. But this is easier to be said then done - this concept is needed to be practiced & it's quite possible! I've already practiced it pretty well while I was playing music in the streets. There I did not have the targeted audience so all kinds of people were coming to me with wide range of reactions & comments & some of them were not nice at all & some were just extraordinary beautiful. In the beginnings I was reacting but as it was happening more often, I was just practicing the gratitude & responding with "Thank you!" for any kind of "reward" I got from the passengers. On the other side, it's quite different for me to accept every (re)action from the love one with the same tranquility - this practice seems to me much harder but I will learn it!
I was mentioning my love already in 2 last posts:
- @careassaktart/i-have-many-olives-but-only-one-olivia
- @careassaktart/this-is-my-entry-for-the-monomad-challenge-8-days-before
The Mother & The Child; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
The upper photo is one of the best that I've ever done! The kid was just woken up & almost immediately asked for mother's arms & hug & so she got them immediately. I had all the time the camera somewhere close so I managed to catch this beauty - the highest & the strongest form of human love in this dimension. But also you can see the play of light - the child seems like shining with the angelic light of the purist innocence & the mother is already spoiled long time ago, so she's kind of in a dark shadow, but still the child's brightness shines upon her darkness!
This is my entry to #monomad challenge... Thanks 
for keeping up this great photo challenge! This time I would like you the choose the upper photo as the entry to the contest but still if you really prefer any other from this post, you can choose some other too.
The Truck Driver; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
Even thou it's not focused precisely, I like this photo too! Oli doesn't like when anybody is taking photos of her but I'm not anybody - I am somebody (for her)(I guess?!). So, when I'm shooting her, I'm always trying to do it pleasant & relaxed for her, making her smile & enjoy herself & the shooting. I realized in many cases that girls who oppose to shooting, mostly don't actually mean it, especially when they see the resulting photo where they look gorgeous!
The Truck Life; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
Both Oli & me, we like travelling & are passionate about it so for both of us travelling is really our natural state & mode of being, the activity which makes us really happy & satisfied about ourselves. The kid is new in it, but we're teaching her...
The next 2 photos I duplicated cause the original is too burnt in some places so I tried to make it look better in Lightroom & actually I like the results of editing...
Into To The Light, original shot; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
Into To The Light, edited
On this trip we were heading towards the "Ninja Gathering 2022" - the festival of self-consciousness. It was organized by some of my friends. It took place on the shores of one of the most beautiful & cleanest rivers in Croatia - Mrežnica. One of the goals of the festival was to keep the visitors clean of psycho-active substances - it was totally drugs-free festival & in those times Oli & me were clean for almost a month but I wanted to show her more of the bright side of life... There were various self-help, trauma healing, dancing, singing, yoga & many other natural high vibe workshops held. That is why I call this shot Into To The Light - you can see that the light is shining upon her face exactly from the direction she's driving to & the darkness she is leaving behind her!
We had really great time on Ninja & I gave her enough space so she has the chance to explore & find her inner-self & often baby-sited. :) Unfortunately, not everything went well. There were some very selfish actions done by Oli when I desired her presence by my side - she coldly refused me. She also didn't really cared about the child in few moments abandoning both of us just to fulfill her personal needs. After 3 days of giving her all the time & space she needed, the last evening I asked her to stay with me instead of hanging out with others & she refused me. Also the agreement was that we together leave the festival on the last evening or early in the morning on the next day. In the end it was the early morning. In the evening she put the child to sleep without the diapers & left both of us in the van. We fell asleep around 22:00 h. Around midnight I was awaken by the child fully pissed herself, crying & asking for mummy so I got up & went for her. Than we washed & dried the child, changed the sheet & she again left us. I could not sleep anymore. I was pretty said & lonely. I couldn't believe after all I've done for us, that she's capable of leaving me just like that & not care at all about my wish for her presence. Few moments later she came & we started discussing but she couldn't & didn't want to understand anything I was trying to explain her about her wrong behavior towards me & the child & than she coldly said, knowing that it will hurt me more: "I smoked tonight too!" I didn't sleep at all till the early morning around 04:00 h when we agreed to move & drive back to Krk where I was living at the time & hosting them, cause I had some work to do. We came there totally tired & that whole day was full of bad vibes. She didn't try to make it right or at least to apologize for her behavior towards me. Not even that night she came to my arms or hugged me or kissed me or said any kind words. She just fell asleep with the child & that was it. I couldn't sleep well again, waking many times hoping that she will maybe at some point in the night come to me. But it didn't happen. Next day I needed to go for another job far away & she called me to say that she's leaving for home just like that but still that she would like to meet me. This encounter was not nice either, we argued for a while & she was already giving back my stuff saying that she will leave me & that it's finished but I still had a lot of love in my heart so in one moment I decided to hug her & make her calm no matter of how I suffered the last days. Than she cried a bit & we decided to spent the time together on the beach. We also went for a dinner in a bad restaurant & her plan was still to leave without giving any love to me. She didn't feel, see or realize how much I wanted some of her gentleness, warmth & attention. So, I again felt bad & only when I explained her what would be nice from her to do for me & for us, only than, she realized it. It seemed like she's totally without empathy. Finally, we had a normal night where she really gave me a lot of attention & than my sweetest girls left. Still, I was wondering & still am sometimes, especially when writing this: "Why so much trouble?! (When it can be much nicer for both of us or for everyone!)"
Sleeping Baby; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
The Angel-Beast Awaken; somewhere on the road in Croatia, 7th of July 2022
There were some moments when I was singing "sleeping baby" - an improvised song - to the child when we were putting her to sleep & she liked it a lot demanding from me to sing more & she really has fallen asleep while I was singing it! Maybe some of you wonder why "angel-beast", hehe - she looks really always as an angel with that blue hair but her behavior is beastly, inspecting everything hyperactively, destroying many things, creating dirty chaos, hitting us, spitting, acting crying just to get what she wants at the moment & so much more!!!
No matter how hard I was hurt by Oli, all of the time I believe that love can transcend anything & she's showing in her actions that she cares & we're really putting a lot of effort from both sides to make it work for us & it will! :) Wish us luck & send some positive energy! :D Never give so easily on people! ;)
All the upper shots I made with Nikon F-401s & Nikon AF Nikkor 35-70 mm lens on Ilford HP5+ 400 or maybe PAN 400 black & white film. The camera body is old, from 80s or maybe 90s & the lens too but exactly cause of this the effects on the photos are very special.
Thanks for reading!
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