This just came to me. 
This is a heater bypass hose for a Mini. It used to cost maybe as much as 2 quid, or about 4 bucks. Maybe. It spans the gap between the engine and the bulkhead. If you know what you are doing you can remove the engine stays and loosen the subframe. Then you undo the Jubilee clips -- hopefully without skinning your knuckles -- and tilt the engine forward, pulling the hose off as you go. Another opportunity to draw blood because over the years that hose has bonded to at least one of the spigots. A mole wrench/vice grips and a lot of twisting and swearing are needed now. And did I mention more blood?
If you aren't bleeding profusely by now you push the new hose on one or the other spigot and fix it with a Jubilee clip. Did you buy new clips? If not you had best soak them in a bath of penetrating oil because they've been there for more than ten years by now. When one breaks go to the nearest Halford's for the new clips you were sure you didn't need. By now your knuckles should have stopped bleeding, so it all works out.
Having got one end of the hose securely fastened and relatively blood-free it's time to line up the hose and the other spigot. No? Okay, let's try again. Carefully pull the engine back towards the bulkhead, keeping hose and spigot lined up ... crap. Carefully pull the engine back towards the bulkhead, keeping hose and spigot lined up ... crap. Carefully pull the engine back towards the bulkhead, keeping hose and spigot lined up ... crap. Rinse. Repeat.
Finally it will start to go together, and a little jiggling will get the hose fully seated on the spigot. Or a little jiggling will get the spigot fully seated in the hose. It may be a gender thing, but you really won't give a rat's arse. You got it!!! That's all that matters. But...
What is that shiny thing by your foot? It looks an awful lot like a Jubilee clip.
I'll draw a veil around the rest of the proceedings. You really do not want the whole world seeing you like this.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Education is what you get when you read the manual. Experience is what you get when you don't.