It has been 1 week for me to really come out of my shell to share something that was unpredictable , unexpected. It all happen to quickly. Many of us wouldn't even dare to share it because it is very personal but i always believe in awareness & caution. It is always good to share one's own experience and how did one overcome such a traumarize experience.
" Where would I run
But to the throne of mercy
The starting of November has just been full of crap. I have been learning to grow throughout the month of November. It was a month that was stretchy with so many events going on from Vacation Bible School all the way right up to Christmas Rehearsal almost every weekend. in the midst of the craziness and busyness, I have been battling and trying to fight through a relationship that i will talk about in a bit.
" Where would I kneel
But at this cross of grace
If you ask me right now whether my walk with God was align. If you ask whether was i close to God during that whole month of November. I would honestly say no. I was so lost & broken in that month trying to fix everything when every damn thing could not be fix or just could not be plan properly or when words were spoken over my life that somehow brought me down till the point i just needed space from everyone and just back off for a month.
" How great the love
How strong the hand that holds us
Beautiful, so beautiful
To all the woman out there, if you are ever in a relationship, never ever let a boy take advantage of your body. Your body is sacred and because it belongs to the Lord. It was extremely hard for me last night to step out of my shell with confidence and share this because it is so personal to the point only two people knows about it.
So if you could , if you have read this post, I would love and appreciate it , if none of you share this post on other social media platforms but to only be stay put on Steemit only. A million thanks.
" There is a King
Who bore the scars of healing
It was such a beautiful Thursday Morning , heading to work , having a good tummy burping breakfast but i was rather tired busy prepping for Vacation Bible School ( Mega Sports Camp ) getting things done before the event starts the following week. In my mind was just rushing with so many things to do but so lil time. Me being the un-creative one took on the resposibility to do the creative job by doing Cheer signs for the lovely kids to use during Cheer Competition.
" There is a Son
Who came in grace and truth
With so many things to do but so little time the day decided to past by so fast. It was time to go home after a tiring day at work hence the brain about to burst.
Let me share a brief introduction about him and his background.
As many of you know that i am in ( was as of now ) a relationship with this guy name Nicholas who resides in Melbourne. He was my high school friend back in the days. He migrated to Melbourne when he was 15 with his family to study. Nicholas came from a family where the parents gave him anything and everything under the sun from the most expensive handphone all the way to 3 PlayStation to play with his sister. Yes, the parents really spoil him a lot which i do not agree because i always believe in that if you want something that you really love, you got to earn the money yourself and get it yourself. But to nick all his life, his parents have spoiled him to the point life to him is just easy peasy, it's okay to layback and not finding his own job because he is so dependent on his parents that till he forgets that one day he has to support his own family by using his own hard earned money.
So on Thursday night after work, He fetch me from work and we both decided to go his house to have dinner since his maid is cooking. Might as well we save money and eat dinner at home. As usual , the way we both chill is just watch some movies that dated back all the way to World War 2 during Hitler's time.
As i was watching the movie hence he was playing his computer, I fell asleep on the couch because i was just so exhausted and burn out. I was in deep sleep till the point i could not even hear the sound of the Television.
So as i was sleeping , I felt someone laid something on my body. The moment i open my eyes it was Nicholas who tried to take off my shirt with much aggressiveness molested and rape me. It was waking up to a nightmare that someone who you thought you could trust, took advantage of your body that is sacred and is under a covenant with Christ. As much as i tried to slap him , push him away because i was so scared, i failed. I tried with all my strength with so much fear and trembling but again i failed. Ever since i grew up , i made a promise to God that every part of my body from head to toe only belongs to the Lord and it stays sacred and pure till i walk down the aisle and say I Do on my wedding day. Even till today, i am horrific and traumatize.
Throughout the whole traumatizing ordeal , the whole week i just could not love with the love of God. I forgot who i as as daughter of the most High King, i forgot my identity. I had so much hatred inside. It was such a down , heartbreaking , horrific, terrible week for me. I was feeling so discourage. It was so horrific till the point i totally forgot about Bible College and answering the time to Full Time.
' So here, I bow, to lift You high
Jesus, be glorified
In all things, for all my life
I am Yours, forever Yours
It is so easy to give thanks and to praise the Lord in the most happiest times in your life but when things don't go our way or when life hits you hard in the face. When the battle rages on we all find it hard to praise the Lord. Yesterday one of my pastor was preaching on PUT ON YOUR PRAISE.
' To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. ( Isaiah 61:3 )
During in the midst of the sermon, something caught my heart while she was sharing about how Praise turns the battle. I was reminded that God can turn our valley of fear and much desperation to a valley of praise and able to turn our worry into worship if we continue to seek the Lord and Trust the Lord that he will definitely bring us through.
Jesus fights the battle for each and everyone of us and i can stand here that despite what i am going through i am able to declare over my life. His love never fails.
" Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
( Psalm 23:6 )
Hope you be encourage by this post.
Always remember
Praise turn the battle.
Turn your worries into worship.
Thank you for reading!