People who are envious of successful people are always told success doesn't just happen, but those people worked hard to get it. But what happens if you put in all the work, and you still don't get success? How do you answer to that? Is it luck? Is the person doing it all wrong?
It Been some time since I last posted, bit today I'm going to use this as an outlet to get some heavy things off my mind about life and the way things are going.
I truly feel as if my life is just spinning it's wheels going through the motions. I have started new projects, finished others, am in the middle of planning others, but all in all it feels like nothing is going anywhere and it's a damn drag.
I played my first live gig ever as a solo artist on May 4th and it was a seemingly great show, other than not getting much in the way of good footage to post up online!
I prepared a lot for it, got a great response from the audience but, do I feel like it progressed me in any way toward an end goal? Not really.
I ended up bringing my wife up for a song to sing with me, and she did a great job, but here's the thing.... She always tells me she's better than me at singing when I sing at home lol....that she can do it better... and it seems the masses think so too judging by the responses received from people online who heard it.
Imagine preparing for weeks leading up to that pinnacle moment. The performance. Everything goes perfect, the crowd cheers, complete silence waiting for the next song. You play your best written music and nail it. Then you bring up your love to sing with you. The crowd goes crazy and you leave completely fulfilled. The video goes up online, and you find out that you barely exist even though you're right there in the shot. It was your show, you did the rest of the entire thing by yourself. But the comments start pouring in and you realize that you may as well not even been in the shot. I believe I have a right to be jealous lmao.
Maybe I should just pursue managing her and getting her out there instead of doing my own thing. It's really heart wrenching to view comments from close people completely ignoring the fact that you're there and did a favor for someone else and then had the limelight stolen.
Another project I'm working on is an indie original music contest where individual artists submit their content for a chance to win prize packages that I have been able to work out with some amazing audio companies willing to partner with my studio to offer to the winners. However, I don't feel as if this ton of work I am putting into it is going to get me anywhere other than a lot of wasted time, but we shall see.
I've tried time and time again to grow my studio company and gain some recognition so profits increase, but it seems like nothing is connecting to bring that to fruition. Many artists come and record, but never put the music out properly that we do, don't credit my studio or me for the work done, and it ends up a dead end.
I'm working full time to keep the ship afloat while trying to build something of value that can sustain my life long term but it seems like this whole life is slowly just eating me away. There's barely enough money to pay all the bills, extra time put in after working seems to go nowhere in helping that situation, and I am at the point of breaking, giving up, or just keeping on spinning those wheels for no damn good reason!
It's stressful on the psychy to keep pouring money, time and effort into all kinds of things and getting no return off it. I really kinda feel lost, like I'm in someone else's lane driving their life, but I don't know where I was meant to be.
It tears me up inside that at one point I was not doing anything audio related and am today in the exact same position I was then.
Did I just waste my time thinkingby totally changing my life and doing what I thought I was meant to do on this planet was going to work??
How long do you grind before that break comes. Maybe it won't?
Where do I focus my energy that will actually produce results or do I just live on until I'm old doing just stuff until it's over?
Why did life not come with a manual and a special fortune cookie that tells you what you're supposed to be in this world?
I went to a reunion the other ight for the music industry and all the alumni I was taught by and my peers.... Many times that night I heard the many successes people were having in their work and the stacks of cash they were obtaining folrom it, and all I got to do was compare the hard work I put in for peanuts. True pain of failure even though it feels like it should be success.
For today, steemit is my diary, a place to write down my thoughts and struggles and to come clean with a bunch of hurtful thoughts stuck inside my brain.
If you read all this, I hope you get luckier than I have been and that things work out for you better. If I can't have it, maybe you can!
Anyway that's all for now,
Chris