Seeing someone you love, shake off depression is something I never thought I would experience.
My sister is young and an extrovert. She is both comfortable surrounded by peers and strangers. I remember her friends chant her name as they welcome her after a summer break from classes. She was that type who is unafraid to express her feelings and her “joie de vivre” as she breaks into a song when she feels like it. She is often the life the of the party.
image sourceBut in the last two months, I saw how depression changes her. She is not her usual self. She is like a shadow of her bubbly self as she slowly retreats into a shell like a turtle not wanting to be involved. Her seven-year relationship ended and she grappled with a deep sadness that I didn’t think at first was that serious. I thought she’ll be able to bounce back since she initiated the breakup. But I was wrong as she lost all interest in her life and all things that are normal. She grew too quiet and literally motionless.
How could I help her?
I ask myself, are there ways to relieve the heavy burden that weighs her down? Even well-intentioned advice from the family like “you can do it” or “time heals all wounds” was largely unheard. My sister struggled to keep her loneliness from enveloping her. Her locked herself in a corner refusing to eat, talk or even look people in the eye.
Here are some practical ways to understand them so you can help them somehow snap out of it.
Proximity and true feelings
People going through depression feel alienated. They often put on a mask and a “brave face.” It is a form of defense mechanism, a way people try to make some sense of their difficult situation by denying what has happened. If you see them struggle with their feelings, be physically nearby. Your physical presence on some level helps in letting them be reconnected with their emotions. When people are depressed, it is normal to want to be left alone. Being accessible, you are telling them they are not alone.
image sourceBe ready to listen
Depression makes people retreat, avoid human interaction because they do not want to burden others, or they are afraid to be judged and are ashamed to show their true feelings. It is normal for people who are depressed to neither want to listen nor interact with anyone and everything.
image sourceLet them know it is okay to be sad
Let them know it is okay to cry if they feel like crying. Allow them that space to first embrace their emotions. But make sure they neither hurt anyone nor themselves. If your loved one somehow senses that he/she is not alone and that there is always someone who is ready to listen to him/her, someone who will not judge, they are likely to respond to this positive aspect. Let them know they have someone they can trust. Knowing that they are not alone and that someone cares are powerful that people who are depressed find comfort and somehow lift them out of their sadness.
image sourceA dose of laughter’s medicine
Help your loved one by making it easier for them to smile or laugh. Science has proven that laughter “decreases stress hormones and increases our immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies”. Laughing sends signals to the brain that things are okay and this, in turn, makes us “feel happy.” Apart from lightening the mood in the room by adding plants, flowers, bright colors and more light. Find clever ways to trigger laughing. Find things that make them laugh like watching a funny movie. My sister responds well to reruns of Friends and Seinfeld, her favorite sitcoms. Or give her a book by Erma Bombeck or some humorous book. Or have a friend who makes you laugh, visit you.
image sourceWalking and chores
Taking short walks and being mobile help clear up your mood. Instead of letting them sulk at home, ask them to join you for a walk in the park, feed the birds, or run errands at the store. Let them choose to be active instead of lethargic as the physical exercise helps our bodies to feel good.
image sourceEating healthy
When people who are under too much stress and have anxiety attacks, they lose their appetites. Others cope with depression by feeding more. To help them fight the blues, it is important to let them have access to nutritious food. Keep a variety of fruits at the kitchen counter and keep junk food away from their easy reach. As you interact with them, show that you are eating some fruits, like a grape, strawberry or orange. They may not respond immediately but the mental picture of you eating nutritious food is likely to rub unto them and make them grab a fruit or two. People who have a good diet have a better chance of fighting depression.
image sourceMusic nurtures you
Music affects our moods and emotions. To ease the sense of dread and halt the sadness from creeping in, choose songs that can make them happy. Share with them your playlist that you know, makes you feel good and are uplifting. Let them listen to music that can remind them happy events in their life or tunes that you know are upbeat and can help them feel more steady and help feel better.
image sourceI believe we can do our part in helping a loved one who is experiencing depression. Every bit of help can go a long way.