Taking stock control of your life is a very important exercise which should be done often to see where you need to tweak your life enabling you to enjoy optimal happiness and joy.
My Story:
My negative journey started years ago when I was much younger. I felt that I constantly made the wrong decisions because my choices were always influenced by others and their needs. I seldom took my own feelings into consideration at that time. (I had the pleasing syndrome, could never say “no”.) I often lent my ears to the people I loved and trusted the most, thinking that they have my best interests at heart and knows me better. Over the years I discovered that this was hardly the case, they were all pushing their own agendas. Gaining knowledge and becoming aware of what was happening around me made me quite negative towards life and a few people. My trust in them was shattered.
Two years ago I was naive enough to think that opening up and speaking out about things which happened to me over the years would release the negative toxins from my system. Little did I know that my negativity and mistrust was only going to reach an even stronger downward spiral. The truth got twisted by the person I thought I knew, trusted and loved for the past twenty-four years. Due to his deceivement, and the fact that he grew up with the people I’ve relied on to get to the truth, my sanity got questioned instead.
It was a devastating, secluded feeling that took hold of my heart. I could not see anything positive in life anymore and my resentment towards this man grew like a cancer. Many times it felt like I have reached the end of my endurance (I started to trust no one and withdrew from all to hide my pain, negativity and disappointment), especially having to face him every second weekend made things worse. Him coming into my space acting like nothing has ever happened or changed between us, expecting me to still behave the same towards him made me feel violated and it killed me. My love for my children and me having the conviction that I have spoken the truth is the only thing that kept me going.
I soon realised that this situation was getting the better of me. I have become a very negative, mistrusting and unhappy person which scared me because I did not know or like this person staring back at me in the mirror. I knew I somehow had to get the strength to accept the situation for what it is, and to get control of my emotions. Seeing him so often did not help me much and I had to get distance and time between us to heal.
I decided the Friday afternoon, (as the schools closed for a week holiday before the final stretch of this year begin) to go to my healing sanctuary and arranged the entire trip within two hours. I knew the best medicine and starting point for my healing process will be to connect with nature and rejuvenate my soul by finally visiting the coast after a very challenging two years.
During this week I’ve tried to cleanse my soul from the negative thoughts and actions I’ve became accustomed to over the past few years. After studying a few topics on the internet, I decided to do some introspection (soul searching) and tried to analyse my feelings. I gained a great deal of knowledge on how to help myself. I am now learning how to control my response towards my emotions and counteracting my negative thoughts. I know this will be a work in progress over the next few months but with endurance and a positive attitude I will be able to overcome my challenges and be that person again I once knew.
Here are some of the things I am doing at this stage to help me change the negative to the positive:
Look at the positive and negative influences and write them down. Think of the people, places, hobbies and objects that influence you positively, uplifts your spirit and motivates you first. Move on to the negative influences which drains you, makes you feel worthless and demotivates you.
Be selective in the people, activities and the thoughts you allow in your life – never under estimate the influence of these things. All actions starts off as a thought
The Negative:
When stuck on negativity you will feel drained both physically and emotionally. You might experience a lot of stress as you do not control the negative influences in your life which in turn causes adrenaline fatigue. You will experience a lack of motivation, low self-worth and esteem, you can suffer from constant sadness and depression, preventing you from achieving that which you want, it can influence your sleeping pattern, exercise and eating habits too.
The worst negative influence can sometimes be your self-talk especially if you are very critical on yourself and others.
The Positive:
It is important to belong to something that is bigger than you. Look at what your values are and what makes you happy and motivates you. Find friends, hobbies and interests that can bring you a sense of calmness, makes you feel happy and energetic, increase your level of self-worth and motivation.
Have you ever looked at positive people? They are energetic, confident, happy and motivated. Often our go getters in life who makes things happen. Reaching out to others, offering your services for free can uplift your spirit and self-esteem.
Make changes:
Surround you with people, places and things that will make you happy.
Recognise the negative influences of the past and move on as you cannot change it but you can overcome it.
Reduce your exposure to people that have a negative influence in your life.
Reduce stress and recover from adrenalin fatigue by exercising, sleeping 6-8 hours per day and having a healthy diet.
Remember you have an element of control over people, places and the things you are surrounded by. It is in you power to change the negative.
By recognising and persevering you can change your focus from the negative to the positive.
Adjust the time you spend on the people and things which influences you positively or negatively accordingly.
Adopt a positive attitude even when surrounded by negative people.
Remove negative thoughts and unhealthy habits from your life.
Keep reaching out to others, giving as much as you can of your time and earnings to help others.
Never stop smiling as it brightens up your life and every one you come in touch with.
Here are some words from Ghandi:
Good luck to all those who are joining me on this venture improving our lives.