How many of us keep people in our friend list that we have no chance to build a future with while we reject people in the real life with whom we could actually build something? The illusion that we tell ourselves each day is a strong one because our ego fuels it. We need to feel that we matter, that we have not been forgotten, even if the quality of that relationship is close to zero. People are lonely while their friend list is full. People are suffering while they exchange cute heart emojis to hide the pain. People cling to the past, being blind to what letting go could bring in the future.
The mental list keeps things in balance or in chaos. The public profile has nothing to do with what that person is going through and dozens of cases of depression or suicide of happy "online" people shows the shallowness of social media. It looks stupid and imature that a person cares more about what a stranger thinks than about the real beautiful person sitting in front of them. It looks like a no brainer to pick the future versus the past. If only it would be that easy. When clinging to a mental list, people cling to past traumas. People cling to the old version of themselves. The need to be validated, feelings of insecurity, fear of loneliness and abandonment, fear of prejudice. What if you let go of the past and the future you imagine does not happen? And this is how the circle of helplessness goes over and over, round and round. Piercing your heart and soul until you numb yourself in front of pain.
Liberation comes when someone realizes what trully matters and acts towards it with bravery and confidence. And for some people it can take months, years, decades... Or it just doesn't happen because the trauma is too deep and the pain of changing is too much so the pain of regret looks more bearable. From an outside perspective this looks like self torture and self sabotage. How to be so blind to what is important? How to deny your own pain and fears for so long? But it is easy to judge from the outside. From that person's perspective they are doing it all right and the end result always leaves them suprised.
What people resent the most is their own helplessness. They are in fact angry on themselves for not having the courage and the power to do the change and become the person they need to be in order to have what they want. So they complain. They do not dare to challenge the status quo. They don't cut the old ties and they don't talk about what matters. They bury it, hoping it will magically go away. The anger gets redirected towards others, as it is too uncomfortable to admit that you and you only are to blame for your lack of action, of courage. For your failures. To look in the mirror and see the same fearful person every year is not easy so let's blame others for our failures. Let's pretend we are ok and keep people that we don't need in our lives while we reject those who dare to tell the truth, who dare to put a mirror in our face and show our own helplessness.
If people would be more true to themselves they wouldn't keep even half of their friend list. Their list would be so small. People of true value who deserve to be kept are rare and few. For some people it is only the old memories which unites them, in rest, there would be nothing left to say as they are too different and maybe would not even trully like each other now. But how many admit that some people no longer fit in their lives? How many admit that they have changed and sometimes you have to let go to people you no longer resonate with?
Building a new you takes a lot of courage. It starts with telling uncomfortable things to people you love the most and being prepared to deal with it. After doing that, cutting ties with old strangers is so much easier. The abundance of rich lists online reflects how little work people do in their family of origin and how that spreads in their personal lives. A life lived in fear and helplessness is not worth living as the only thing you'll be collecting by old age will be a bucket full of regret. The regret of "I wish I had done this". Maybe people should start working on the list for their own happiness rather than clinging to virtual lists that bear no emotional significance in real life. Then we could all tap into what being happy is all about: staying true to yourself and stop bullshitting others about how happy you are. Deep down, we all know that you aren't. The question is: what will you do about it?