There is nothing much to do today anyway because I can't think of anything physical that I can do except to type unto my laptop's keyboard and write my thoughts through social blogging.
If only I can get away and buy some piece of land and a hut and stay there and plant vegetables, live off grid, and take things easy but that is just impossible. I have a mobility problem and even though I can walk it is not that easy to do as it feels like my bones are fusing already and my ligaments retracting, so movements really is a chore if not a painful affair to do.
So the end result is that I will just stay here on my bed and with nothing to do I can just sleep and spend my time in passing the time. Quite a wasteful thing to do considering that I only have a little time to spend here on earth and I just spending it sleeping because I could not do anything anymore.
It is one of the frustrations in life that I am experiencing which is why sometimes I would just think that I must die already because it is not anymore good to live particularly if you live like this which is just basically not living but only just existing.
For me is is okay to die already, what I do not like is to die a lingering death. I want to die in my sleep and just to wake up being with God in paradise and not remember the former things where I only had a lot of grief, worries, crying, and pain. So if my case would just be totally hopeless then dying is just what I want.
It is because obviously it is not to live like this anymore especially if I know that there is just less than handful of people that cares for me because living alone is just frightening for me. I will be like a lone blade of grass among a meadow of wildfires.