This question is actually so timely, as it resonates with my current state of mind. Not gonna lie that recently I've cried more than I should be smiling and no its not intentional, because questioning my identity at this point is quite difficult. But maybe, I may have found a true definition of who I truly am.
This morning, as I stood in front of the mirror for a quick glance, I kind of lingered. And for a moment, I just stared at my reflection.
Don't think I was about to fix my hair or adjust my clothes. No, it was rather one of those quiet pauses when my reflection seemed to ask me a very sensitive question. I found myself wondering: “Is this really where I imagined myself to be ten years ago, back when I wrote my SSCE?”
To be very honest, my life has not been a smooth or easy ride at all. It has rather been one rough patch after another and just when I think I’m beginning to find my footing, something new seems to just test my patience. There are days I catch myself asking if I’m really making progress or just running around in circles.
After I finished secondary school, I had one of the most trying seasons of my life. You won't believe that it literally took me three whole years to gain admission into the university. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t intelligent or serious. Of course, I studied very hard. It wasn’t even about my parents’ finances, because there was money set aside for my schooling. Things just weren’t moving for me. No matter what I did, it felt like life had pressed the pause button on me.
I remember seeing my friends share pictures of their third year struggles, I even heard about some of them graduating, and even saw some get married and the painful part was that, it all happened before I had even set foot inside a lecture hall. The frustration was too real. I felt left behind, like time was indeed mocking me.
But those years of waiting taught me something. They taught me patience, toughened me up, forced me to sit with myself and of course, face my thoughts.
Image is mine
And when I finally got into the university, I promised myself that I wouldn’t waste the opportunity. University life wasn’t easy too. Like, it came with its own struggles. From financial pressure to academic stress. But somehow, I managed to finish in record time, and with a good grade too. That was a big win, and it mattered so much to me.
Back then, I had really big dreams. I wanted to own the biggest digital store in Nigeria, to be an employer of labour, to make a name for myself. I used to see myself running a company, signing checks, being that young person who made it in life.
But recently, those dreams sometimes feel distant, almost like something I imagined in another lifetime. Life doesn’t always go the way we expect it to, and that can be so hard to accept.
But when I slow down and look at my life more carefully, I realize that I haven’t exactly been stagnant either. I have achieved some important milestones. I’m a university graduate for starters, and yes, that definitely counts. I’ve gotten digital certifications. I’ve learned skills that I can actually monetize. These things might not look like the “big dreams” I once had, but they are big steps forward. Progress is progress, even when it doesn’t look “that” dramatic.
And of course, these years have shaped me in ways I can’t even fully explain. I’ve had to make some big decisions. I mean decisions that changed the direction of my life almost entirely. One of the hardest was during NYSC when my PPA offered to retain me. Omo, it looked like a good opportunity, but I turned it down.
I felt strongly within me that coming back home was the wiser choice, and I wanted to avoid unnecessary risks.
Now when I think about it, I realize that, that decision made me more deliberate about my future and taught me how to trust my instincts.
Recently, I took the biggest decision of my life and that quitting my job just to build my brand and achieve my dream of owning the biggest digital store in Nigeria.
So, when faced with the question of who I am, I would say, I am someone who has been tested, delayed, refined, and is still growing. I am someone who has learned how to make better choices, how to bounce back from setbacks, and how to give myself grace when life don't always go as planned. If my 15-year-old self saw me now, maybe she wouldn’t even recognize everything about my life. But what I'm sure about is that, she would still be proud that I kept going, no matter what.