A friend sent me this story and I felt that I should share it with the steemit community.
upvote if you love it.
A story for the MARRIED
... and those intending to ever be in a serious relationship at one time...
The names have been changed to protect their identity but all the accounts are true and told in the first person by the couple.
We all want perfect mates, but what do you do if your perfect suddenly....
I met my Aldrine in a birthday party of a friend. She was the life of that party, everyone seemed to talk to her, in fact you would have thought that it was her birthday. I am the laid-back, stoic phlegmatic and she is the deft and nifty sanguine completely outgoing and bubbly. She noticed that I was sitting alone having ‘me time’ with my phone and she came budging into my space.
We got married 6 months later at the beach. We went for our 2 week honeymoon in Malindi and then came back to start our lives as husband and wife and that’s when mental illness invaded our marriage. She started having erratic and unpredictable behavior patterns, hallucinations and delusions that could not be explained. It all looked demonic, we prayed about it and decided to visit a doctor who referred us to a well-known psychiatrist.
After running some tests and spending time with us, the Doc said that Aldrine had Schizophrenia. That was a bomb shell…we sought to know what caused it and it was disheartening to learn that there isn’t a known cause for this sickness. They suspect brain chemistry and a combination of genetics and maybe the environment could cause this but no one can place a finger to the cause of this disease.
.
Treatment started; which was mainly anti-depressants with serious side effects…. This went on for about 3 months and she could not take any more drugs because they were messing her appetite, severe mood swings and sometimes making her dull….things degenerated…we could be walking and she begins to undress in the streets in broad daylight and sit in the middle of the road. During these moments, she would become so violent and so strong.
Having an intelligent conversation with her was a real challenge because she would move from this phase into another phase in a matter of seconds. I prayed for a miracle, the church stood with us and even our relatives prayed persistently for a miracle but then she seemed to sink lower into her state. She moved out of the house, into the streets…
I had faith in God that he would perform a miracle and heal my wife, but I didn’t know how long it would take because this thing was really dragging. I cried so many times because I couldn’t reach my wife…. She refused to come back to the house and I just didn’t know what to do.
.
I went through a season where I was angry at God for allowing us to go through this and yet he had the power to heal her, just like that. I checked my life to see if there was anything that I was doing or not doing to delay the healing. I felt guilty for sleeping in a warm bed and yet she was cold and hungry somewhere…many times in the middle of the night I would go and look for her and spend, in the opposite alley, just watching her and looking out for her so that she isn’t sexually assaulted or killed in an altercation…but, she never wanted to see me!
One interesting thing is that she never refused the food that I brought her. Whether it was a home cooked meal or fast food. She would grab it and eat it in silence and then throw the remains at me. This was the only sober moment I had with her. So, I made up my mind that since I was committed to her, then I will purpose to have that 3-5 minute moment with her on a daily basis.
This was my wife, she was my life I decided to do this for her, for us!
People talked about us, it was really shameful and embarrassing to be with your naked wife who was once light skinned but now had a grayish tan all over and some parts of her body were blue-black. I tried to bring her clothes and bedding, but they would disappear….
One year turned to 2, 3, 4, 5 years and my family summoned me…..
My whole family save for my younger sister were all in agreement and spoke with one voice that I should forget about that lady (notice the choice of words, she is no longer my wife) and marry someone else. I listened to all of them as they expressed their concern and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was only my baby sister who was in campus at that time who stood up and became the voice of reason.
When it was my turn to speak, I was brief, respectful but very firm.
“You have raised me up to be a fine young man and for that I thank God that you are all in my life. All of you were at our wedding 5 years ago and you celebrated with me. I am dedicated to my wife and I don’t intend to leave her. If this would have happened to me your son, would you be happy if Aldrine abandoned me just because I’m mad?”
-Amos
The room went silent and you could hear a mosquito’s heartbeat.
“I’m leaving.” I stood up and left.
All of them except my sister, remained glued to their seats. I don’t know whether they were embarrassed or shocked…but that was the height of insensitivity. I mean none of them dared to ask how my wife was doing. All they were concerned is how their son was coping and now they wanted an easy way out for me. Or maybe, they were concerned about their reputation, “….what will people say when they hear that our son has married a mad woman…” and then I wondered, which one is worse, for them to think like that or for them to hear villagers saying, “….their son Amos left his wife when she fell sick”Human nature is depraved.
I got to Mombasa at around 8pm, I went to my usual joint and bought her chicken wings and tandoori. I walked to her usual spot determined to spend at least 5 minutes with my rib and she is not there. I checked the next street and asked the street kids and some call girls and no one had seen her. “God, this is not happening, please keep her safe.” I muttered under my breath. I walked that entire night searching for her till morning and just as I was about to give up at dawn….a tuk tuk guy drove up to me and spoke in Swahili,
“Naskia umemtafuta usiku kucha? (I hear you have been looking for her)” They all knew our story.
“Ndio, umemwona? (Yes, have you seen her)” I asked frantically
“Ingia twende. (Let’s go)”
He took me to other side of town where he had seen her.
I found my wife lying in a pile of papers with a bottle of glue next to her head. I was so glad to see her because I imagined that the worst had happened…..I tried to wake her up but she was really stoned. So, I took her home, bathed her and I really hoped that this was it...that maybe God would make a way to finally bring us together now that I found her in this state…
When she woke up in the evening she was unusually calm; I had told my cell group members to pray with me and this was a good sign. I didn’t know what to say, so I just observed her. I knew that she loved black tea. So, I prepared that and brought it to her…she took the first sip and something jolted within her. She splashed the hot tea on my face, clicked at me and threw the cup at me and went for the door.
We engaged in a scuffle as I tried to restrain her but she overpowered me and managed to get out of the house. It was quite a scene as people in the estate saw me trying to talk to her and she wanted nothing to do with me.
She was back in the streets.
Same old Aldrine…abusive, loud and wild.
I hit a new low, but I decided to keep up with my routine.
2 years passed and her family summoned me and it was a very awkward meeting. These guys were basically asking me to move on with my life. That they had seen my misery and they will understand if I wanted to marry another lady. I think I was numb for about 10-15 minutes. I was looking for the appropriate words of responding without being disrespectful to my in laws.
Being a man of few words, I said, “I love your daughter and that hasn’t changed.”
They tried to be practical with me but I wasn’t moved. I decided to go back to my mad woman.
On the tenth year, the church leadership called me and told me the most bewildering stuff that can ever come out of people that are supposed to give you direction on how to remain in the straight and narrow.
You could see them fidgety and uneasy and I never saw it coming.
The meeting took about an hour. They told me that they believe that our marriage was not in the will of God that is why as a church we had prayed for ten years and nothing had happened. One elder had the nerve to say that we rushed into getting married without even taking time to understand if this was in the will of God or not.
I asked him, “Is it possible for God to speak in one day or does it take more than 6 months to reveal his will to man?
The man kept quiet. That was the first salvo.
“Every other day, you are getting people who want to leave their spouses. I want to honor my pledge and stick to my wife come what may. I would expect you to support me in my commitment. Remember, I took a vow” I walked out.
That was the last time I was in that church.
These guys have walked with me from the time I was a teen and they have watched me grow into being a man. One of the elders with his wife, counseled Aldrine and I just before we got married.
One particular statement that he kept on making was that, “Life will bring many challenges your way but always remember that if you hold on to God then he will carry you through any storm.” Today he was in that boardroom, head bowed down.
My depression just got redefined and for the first time in my life I really felt like drinking alcohol. I wanted something stiff that would knock me out because no one really cared for me, no one cared about us. People seemed to be concerned about their image and reputation. I went to a bar and sat at a corner and my mind just raced…I’m glad I never did anything stupid because who knows where I would be today.
It dawned on me that it’s not the two of us against the world. Was I tired of this situation, yes, was I mad at God, oh yes, I had my moments where I questioned him and questioned everything. Did I love my wife no doubt about it…I loved her and I knew that probably this was my cup to endure for the rest of my life and like Job in the Bible, I decided to embrace it with a positive attitude.
2 years elapsed and then the unexpected happened…the unthinkable ensued…...
Marriage is not a walk in the park, it is a death sentence to the person called YOU! It is an open declaration that indeed you have made up your mind to be in this relationship regardless of the changing circumstances of life. The wedding ceremony doesn't make a marriage, your dedication to the vows that you make on that day is what will cement your relationship.
Amos continues with his story.
"So on this particular day, I'm in my usual routine, I prepared some food and my Muslim neighbor brought me some Biriani now that they were celebrating Idd and so I'm in the process of deciding whether to carry my food or Mama Bakari's Biriani when I hear a gentle tap on the door.
I open the door and I could not believe my eyes....Aldrine was standing there with a coy smile, trying to cover herself with a tattered sack cloth. There was something about her look that struck me when she said,
"Hi Amos"
I felt weak, I knew that i was dreaming, yeah....this must be a dream...No, I think this is a ghost....i should rebuke it....this is NOT my wife... A million thoughts ran through my mind as time stood still. I was transfixed because this is not the woman that I saw yesterday...
I tried to speak and nothing came out of my mouth....
"Can I come in?" She asked
I stammered as I approached her and gave her a big hug. I held her and I started crying...I was out of myself, we held each other for God knows how long and tears just flowed in torrents. I was holding my wife in a reciprocal embrace and it felt right.
We sat down and faced each other. I wasn't sure if she was acting or if she was really okay. I felt a sharp pain stabbing through my chest and I began to cry again and she held me and put me on her laps as i cried out my heart.
All this wasn't making sense, my wife Aldrine found her way to the house and she was behaving in a strange manner. You see when you are used to crazy stuff for a long time, you get accustomed to it and it begins to look normal. So now when crazy acts in a normal way, you think that this is not normal.That was the conflict that I was going through.
"I can't tell you what happened all i remember is that for the first time in a long time i felt cold and exposed.
It occurred to me that I am naked and I was in the wrong place.
I felt a certain urge to move forward and I just started walking and I ended up home. The only logical explanation is that an angel must have guided me.
Aldrine says,
"I prepared a hot bath for her and I came to check on her several times just to make sure that she hadn't taken off. She was able to soak in water and just enjoy it. It was nice to see her like this...That is when it hit me that she had a pungent ...From the time she walked in, I couldn't smell a thing, I guess my emotions overwhelmed my sense of smell.
I could not believe that i was talking to my wife and we were having a normal discussion as i narrated to her everything that I could remember. That night we didn't sleep. I shaved her head cut her nails applied lotion to her tough skin. Then I prayed for her. I was with my wife...Is this a movie?
In the morning I told her that it would be good for me to take her to the doctor to run some tests. The Doc was completely perplexed and couldn't believe what he saw. He is an atheist and so he doesn't believe in this miracle business. Somehow this was a miracle sitting in his office.
He gave her some medication and asked to see her every 4 days for the next 3 weeks. He just kept staring at her and couldn't believe that this is the same lady he had treated 13 years ago.
I must admit that I too had my fears, what if this was an amplified "5 minute moment" and that she would relapse into another episode...So I caught myself looking at her so many times just to make sure that I wasn't missing out on any signs. I cannot tell you the number of times that i have woken up in the middle of the night just to check out if she was there.
There was a lot of adjusting and adapting that needed to be done by both of us but especially me, because my wife was 13 years behind in a lot of things but I assured her that we will make it one step at at time because the most important hurdle had been crossed. She was alive and well."
"I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my husband had waited for me for 13 years.
He tolerated all my uncouth behavior, ridicule and discouragement from all over including my own family.
I mean this guy just plucked out love from the Bible and started living it out. I'm blown away when I think of Amos, what did i do to deserve such a man? What if I married someone else, would he have stood by me, bring me food everyday that he was in town? Would this guy have gone out of his way to marry another lady? I mean he is just a blessing.
I really love him more now that when i married him 13 years ago.
I forgot how to use the toilet, he had to train me."
He loved me not knowing if I would ever get well. He loved me in my nakedness, that night that he couldn't find me, he looked for me until he found me passed out....."
Aldrine couldn't finish.
Authors Notes
Seeing this couple share their powerful story in my office just brings to mind
1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails..." Our love will be tested and will also be tasted and the true measure of love is exhibited in a storm, especially a prolonged storm.
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church"
A 21st century thinker once said these words: Love that is expecting, loves without expecting
~Tonny Gobanga