A few weeks ago, I completed my second 10-day Vipassana meditation course. Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation that's said to have been taught by the Gautama Buddha himself.
For thousands of years, the technique was passed down in its purest form, ultimately reaching S.N. Goenka, the last teacher of Vipassana.
Mr. Goenka passed away in 2013, but video and audio recordings of his lectures are still used to teach the courses held all over the world.
The first time I attended the course was in 2013. I was at an uncertain point in my life. It was a state of transition. But that retreat would become a pivotal point in my life.
I subsequently left my life in California and spent two years living abroad. Maybe it wasn't a direct result of taking the course, but it did have a profound impact on my self-awareness. I became aware enough to know that I didn't want to be where I was...doing what I was doing.
But this is 2017—4 years later. I knew I wanted to do the course again. But 10 days of silence is intimidating. Even more daunting is the fact that I would be spending more than 10 hours each day sitting, breathing, and just observing myself.
But the time was right, and the opportunity was there. I simply had to do it.
After an orientation in which the staff covered basic logistics, we prepared for our first group meditation in the evening. At that point, “noble silence” begins.
This requires participants to abstain from communicating with each other—either verbally or non-verbally. The course should be taken as if one were in a state of isolation.
We were assigned our place in the hall. A 2 ft x 2 ft mat with a small rectangular pillow on top. That would be my spot for the next 10 days.
My room was small and only had the bare essentials: A bed, chair, nightstand with an alarm clock, and some closet space. I found the minimal aesthetic surprisingly refreshing.
Settling Into the Discomfort
The next morning (Day 1) we began our schedule. Each day begins by the ringing of a bell at 4 a.m. It’s a sound you learn to get used to very quickly. What begins as a minor annoyance or inconvenience simply becomes a routine part of your day.
You stop reacting and begin accepting. This's one of the biggest lessons taught in Vipassana. And it’s a major part of the technique.
If I were to try and summarize the technique, I’d say that it teaches one to observe the present moment without any judgment. Just observing. But that's easier said than done. Your mind endlessly wanders, frustration rises up, and soon, physical discomfort sets in.
Days 2 and 3 were overshadowed by the pain I was feeling throughout my body. My legs ached. My back throbbed.
I fell victim to chigger bites, and it wasn't until the end of the course when I could speak to the others, that I realized I wasn't the only victim of those little buggers.
As the days progressed, I felt myself falling into a sort of trance state. I think the repetition of the daily schedule and the endless silence has that effect on you.
Letting Go of Expectations
I had a lot of expectations before arriving at the retreat center. Having done the course already, I thought I knew what to expect.
In the first course, during a particular meditation, I reached a state that I can only describe as being “out of body”
The experience lasted about 20-30 seconds during what may have been a 2-hour meditation. I felt disconnected from my body…slightly above it…looking across what appeared to be all of my life experiences.
But in that moment, I wasn’t attached to any of those things, and I felt an overwhelming feeling of acceptance and peace.
Unfortunately, I expected this very same experience to happen the second time around. I kept wondering, "When is that going to come again?"
But It never did. It didn’t need to.
In fact, wanting to experience that again was going against what Vipassana is all about. It wasn’t about having a “good” meditation or doing it the "right way". It was about simply observing whatever was there from moment to moment…without blind reactions.
Everything is Always Changing
Silence can be unsettling. We're so used to constant chatter and noise in real life and coming from our TVs, smartphones, and other devices. But in a matter of days, the silence simply became a natural part of my environment.
Much like with the first course, I found it difficult to return to the talking world on the 9th day when noble silence ends. I'd become attached to the silence. But I recognized that it was an attachment, and, like all things, it would soon end.
Everything is changing and nothing is permanent. This is another important part of the Vipassana teachings. Experiencing it on a deeper level through a course like this helps one truly understand this natural law.
It's Only the Beginning
The 10-day course is taught as an introduction. In order to achieve lasting benefits, the technique must be put into practice over time. This is the case for any kind of new habit or practice.
It’s easy to think that by attending a course, reading a book, or participating in some activity one time that we've somehow learned it. We haven’t. We’ve simply taken the first step on a longer path.
The Vipassana retreat is something that I think anyone would benefit from trying at least once. It can be challenging. It can be frustrated. And you may want to scream your head off at least once during those 10 days (I certainly did).
But it’s a rewarding process. All challenges create an opportunity for some reward. Maybe that's what I really took away from this experience.
Vipassana meditation courses are held around the world and throughout the year. You can learn more about these courses and the locations in which they're held at www.dhamma.org.