So the weekend before last I had somewhat of a realisation. I say somewhat, as it had been a while coming.
I had the privilege of being by the side of my soul sister Claire Law as she had a breach at 27 weeks pregnant and had to be whisked to A&E.
It was serendipitous that I was even with Claire that evening, as I had been on my way to Bondi from the City to meet friends at the Beach Rd Hotel. In true fashion I hadn’t double checked the start time and found myself with a couple of spare hours, so called Claire to see if she wanted to go for food and a catch up.
Half an hour later, sitting together on her couch discussing menu options Claire unexpectedly had a bleed. After making a quick call to her midwife in Byron Bay, Claire was advised to go to A&E. So I ordered an Uber and within minutes we were off to the Royal Randwick.
The staff at the hospital were awesome and despite Claire being registered to birth in Byron, she was quickly being checked over by a team of very proficient, thorough and friendly doctors and nurses in the delivery ward. I can’t speak highly enough of them.
And so it was over the course of that evening and weekend that my realisation crystallised. A renewed and enhanced, profound respect and awe for womanhood.
It had been 32 years since I had been in the presence of a woman so close to the brink of birth, when my mother was birthing my youngest brother Alan. To hear little baby Eden’s heart beating through the monitor was one of the most beautiful sounds you could imagine and later to see her tiny silhouette cradled on the ultrasound monitor amazing.
Claire’s calm, bravery and resolve astounded me, as she was told that if she had contractions that she may go into labour and if so, or if the bleeding continued she would need to have a cesarean. They prepared Claire’s body for a potential operation and steroids for the baby’s lungs in case of premature birth.
Fortunately Claire and Eden got through the night safe and sound, supported by the help of the hospital staff. I stayed until around 1 am, then left to go back to Claire’s place to sleep and pack some belongings for her stay. Returning in the morning with this, breakfast and the mandatory hospital bowl bursting with fruit. At Claire’s request I then departed, leaving her in the care of the doctors and nurses, feeling honoured to have been part of the experience. Claire stayed in the maternity ward for the next four nights before leaving with baby Eden, still well and growing inside of her. This part of Claire’s journey I’m sure she’ll share with you if there is the opportunity.
I have always been amazed by Claire’s power and the work that she has done over the years to grow her consciousness, to truely blossom as a woman unabated, to overcome past traumas. The open honesty and clarity with which she breaks from conformity to create her own paradigm in which to do so has been truely inspiration to me, as I have stumbled somewhat further behind on the path.
What struck me is the amazing power that the female of our species has to create life. That somewhat obvious revelation hidden in plain sight. I say that because to paraphrase Jada Pinkett-Smith, in many ways we have restructured our cultures away from the ancient societies who once worshipped women to ones which now objectify and on occasion even degrade or shame them; http://intentblog.com/jada-pinkett-smith-the-war-on-men-through-the-degradation-of-women/ (thanks to Kali Isis Ibrahim Sananda for sharing this post originally).
A system which commodifies the feminine. Packages it up purely as an object for sexual availability and judgement. To be criticised, tempered, used and abused. To disempower and leave wanting.
This is made well evident through the whole Harvey Weinstein episode and captured by Lady Ga Ga in her recent documentary when she described how the powerful men in the entertainment industry have so many beautiful women at their ‘disposal’.
It struck me that even women of great talent, in film and music are positioned as being sexually available, there to fulfil the fantasies of men and be the aspirational aesthetic role models of other women. To have their bodies, looks and dress dissected at every opportunity.
Men of power by contrast are presented as being sexual conquistadors, obtainers of women. The ability to sleep with as many women as possible being portrayed as a position of male status.
And so the paradigm in which many of us live is set. In which, as some statistics suggest as much as 80% of popular porn is de-humanising or features some form of violence towards women, where the lines of consent, coercion and trafficking are blurred (source; https://fightthenewdrug.org/). Where two women a week are killed by their partners in Australia through domestic violence. Where from a young age girls are taught to temper their cycles through contraceptive pills and shame around menstruation (thanks Lisa Claudette Lawson Davis for your post which enlightened me about this). Where women have surgery to alter their bodies and all amounts of modification to fill the void between expectation and reality created by this paradigm. Where we are presented with a false and sugar coated version of our human condition, rather than it’s true expression. As we all know, people are more easily sold to when they feel inadequate. The only way to live up to the expectations of an airbrushed image is to become airbrushed ourselves.
Men are no winners in this situation either. We are taught in many ways that our success is based upon our ability to conquer, control and dominate our female counterparts. That power comes from promiscuity. The trouble with conquest is that it is insatiable, it has the potential to continue through to the point of annihilation. Whereas connection progresses to more depth of understanding, increased value and constructive growth rather than a destructive dominance. I am sure that it can be a source of great sadness for both men and women when they judge themselves based on a measuring stick of consumption, which isn’t congruent with the true human purpose that is to have positive connections, sexual and otherwise.
In a world so increasingly transactional. Where dating apps reduce connection to the swipe of a thumb we are taught that it is easy come, easy go. Disposable.
It is therefore all the more poignant in this social-media age, where we present Snapchat filtered images and caricatures of ourselves on-line and caricatures of those caricatures on dating apps. Where we have a generation growing up and learning behaviours in this digitally altered, virtual reality. We must remind and re-enforce the importance of connecting with ourselves and others in the real world.
So rather than transact, let us as humans seek to transcend. To find deep relationships and connections which transform both ourselves and our partners for the better. Because power is more beautiful when shared through mutual empowerment, physical and spiritual growth.
And so back around the houses to my experience with Claire. Her vagina, her womb and ovaries a crucible of creation. My revelation was this, that man’s inclination to treat this beauty with anything less than reverence is not cool and also a metaphor for our treatment of our planet, Mother Earth and indeed our own bodies.
In the same way that our society is often sacrilegious to the sanctity of womanhood, so do we also destroy, rape and pillage the planet which is the ultimate giver of life and to which we all belong. As do we also destroy our own bodies, the sustainers of our lives, through over use of drugs, alcohol and negative patterns.
This desire to conquer and destroy is I believe a reflection of our own internal dissatisfaction. As it is a lot easier to deflect than recognise, face up to and work through our own fears and insecurities. If we can find inner peace, then external peace and harmony shall follow.
So let us rejoice in the power of womanhood. The incredible power that is their ability to create and innate instinct to nurture life. And also our manhood but not in some misogynistic vision. Instead one that is about mutual empowerment. As only by understanding, supporting, honouring, sharing and rejoicing in each other’s power can we humans really take ourselves through to the next level of consciousness. Let us not temper, commodify or subjugate others or our own bodies any longer. Also to caveat that I appreciate that not all women reading this are able to have babies at this moment in time, so please don’t think I am insinuating they are any less. For the powerful instinct that they have to nurture and protect life is just as much a gift and a blessing.
Celebrate the power of women and we will be all better for it. Let us also understand that the actions and thoughts we inflict upon ourselves, other people and the planet are all interconnected. It only takes a shift of mindset to consciously worship and revere all of these relationships for the better.
Thanks to Claire for being amazing and to little Eden for promoting my Uncle duties to start a little earlier than expected! Also to my mentor Amar Dhall who is helping me step into my power and surface my voice through our sessions and to the extra hour I had before work this morning to write this post while drinking coffee in Circular Quay!
Peace and love xxx
Written by Roberto Figero
(Fig is a close friend and hasn’t embraced steemit. If his writing connects with you like it does with me please upvote so I can prove to him he is an excellent writer and a community like this appreciates him)
Dave