Maybe it is too soon to put my thoughts down on paper, but they are in my heart and crying to get out, so here goes.
First, my prayers to the people who lost their lives in the Florida school shooting and condolences to their families and loved ones. I think that we can all agree that these types of things happen way too often these days. For me when it is kids it is the worst.
I read and watched as much of the interviews as I could and all the while felt like I was hearing the same story again. Person was troubled and isolated, got a gun and killed an hurt people.
I am not trying to merely simplify things nor take away from the responsibility that must be put on this murdered, but I also believe that we can avoid many of these tragedies if we do one thing that used to be simple but has become increasingly complicated, and it is to build up, and act like communities again.
Communities eliminate the conditions for these tragedies. They are actually designed to do this and the reasons are known. Humans are herd animals. We live together, work together, play and even feed together. We live with and off of each other and it makes us feel comfortable, included and human. When we are excluded or do not feel that we are part of the herd terrible things can happen. We act out, we commit crimes, and we seek other destructive behaviors.
Our responsibilities should be to make sure that no one gets so isolated that they feel as if they cannot identify any more with their own species, and so they try and kill as many as possible. This is the job of community and it does it well, but we must have it in place.
What am I talking about? Today will live in a time of contradictions. We are more connected, yet less informed or caring about our neighbors. We spend hours each day on social media, yet our social skills have diminished greatly. We let this new form of socialization allow us to become cold, callous and uncaring about those who are sometimes right in front of us. We have forgotten that a great part about connecting with others and making new connections is that we learn new things that can make our lives richer and that we can learn new and valuable things from each other. Things that can solve real problems and avoid many that seem inevitable.
Instead we opt for a demeanor where we know for sure that we have figured everybody and everything out before they open their mouths. Yet we fail to realize that these pre-judgements negatively affect our ability to connect with people in a meaningful and productive way. Productive for us. We do not want anyone in our business because of what they might gain, or to be responsible for anyone but ourselves because of what we might lose, but the simple truth is that when we welcome both, we all greatly benefit from it. We feel less alone, safer and more a part of something greater and more in control. We used to love this feeling and we did because humans need it. Now re sit back and reminisce about those times as if they got lost somehow. They didn't we simply stopped being that way.
We have to decide what is more important to us. Is it more important to try and figure it all out alone or to be able to ask a group for their input knowing they care enough to give you truthful answers? Is it worth the pain and inconvenience of having to be put out at times and not get your way, to know you neighbors and gain an extended family that has your back? Is it worth the extra effort to become interested in the well being of other people's families and kids, when we know that if we are not, bad things might happen that affects our own family?
Uh oh!. I know what you are thinking. What is the cost of what I am suggesting and is it worth it for each of us? Well like anything worth something, the cost is high. 1. Each of us has to be prepared to put ourselves in a vulnerable position at times, and know that not every situation will be about winning or losing or have an immediate payoff for us. 2. Each of us has to accept that what we are saying about a particular topic may be right, just not right for the person we are arguing with. 3. Each of us has to put a floor on how low we will go in our enthusiasm to blame and challenge. 4. Each of us has to agree that when we blame, we will also connect it to a solution so the person being challenged has an opportunity and incentive to stay in a conversation and build a relationship even when there are opposing views. 5. Each of us has to be prepared to back up as quickly and with the same enthusiasm we have when we rush forward. 6. Each of us has to strive to be consistent instead of hypocritical in our words and behaviors. 7. Each of us has to accept that just because we won an argument, it does not mean that we were right, it could simply mean that we are better at arguing. 8. Finally, each of us has to realize that we are all part of the same herd and interested in the same basic things.
Yes, I know it is a lot, but the payoffs in my opinion are worth it.
What is the payoff for each of us, and is it worth the cost? Yes. Here are a few reasons why. 1. We get to have more input on how things are in our lives and the lives of our families. 2. We get heard without having to yell all the time. 3. We gain tools and strategies to help us get through this tough life with grace and dignity. 4. We get our sense of safety back for us and our families. 5. We can't be fooled, lied to, or cheated any more. 5. We gain a sense of community again and get all of the wonderful benefits community can provide. 6. We prosper in every sense of the word and stop living like survivors, instead we thrive.
Before you call me naïve, idealistic and a dreamer (all of which are compliments to me by the way) and write this all off as just another post that took 5 minutes to read and will mean nothing in five more minutes, please remember this.
We are all here all here together, right now, hoping for the same things in this life. We want financial success, good health, safety and security for ourselves and our families. It is no accident we are here, now, together. Perhaps the reason is as simple as this: to reach these goals we need each other. In other words, our individual success depends on our working with each other to get it.
With this thought in mind I am asking you to think about what I wrote here. If you agree, moving toward what I am suggesting requires your active participation. Here are a few things you nee to do 1. Say hello to someone in your neighborhood. Wave, say good morning, tell them to have a nice day. You might make a new friend. 2. Realize that social
media is not the real world. It is some artificial environment masquerading as reality that Mark Zuckerberg and others like him created to get rich. That is their only goal and they are doing great at it. We are all nothing here only a means to an end. And if we make anything out of our time here together it will be in spite of this platform not because of it. You need to appreciate that it is designed work on your psyche in weird ways so that what you think you heard, you often did not hear at all and that every argument you get into only results in them making more money because every minute you spend here arguing, they get paid. Every minute we do not get to a solution, they get paid. Every angry meme and GIF and curse and demeaning rant that raises your blood pressure and causes you to question your neighbors, THEY GET PAID.
My point about Facebook is simple. If like Zuckerberg says, Facebook is about bringing people together and helping, why has it been that in my 8 years of being here on this platform, I have seen anyone's mind get changed in a conversation? NEVER. If things were like that in real life, we would all have killed each other long ago. So take this and other social media platforms for what they are 99% of the time, an entertaining way to gossip. 3. Ground yourself spiritually. I am not big on church or any specific religion, and I am not advocating that you become a holy roller. But they all teach the same basic things which are very helpful and that we need right now: remain humble, help those less fortunate than you, and realize that when you do both these things, you will be rewarded with peace of mind and a better life. We can all use this. So find your way to spirituality because there are good things in it for you.
Thanks for your time. God bless you and your families. Stay safe and never lose faith in us. We can do it together!