“See, you're now part of the Ludlows that take care of each other, and you need to be here because you were always one of us – that was the Sunday School class I didn't even know I needed, and you got us there!”
Eight-year-old Edwina Ludlow was excited about ten-year-old Glendella Ludlow becoming another cousin who would be a sister – a more distant cousin from another branch of the Ludlow family, but ever coming home and finally making it.
“Yeah, Sis. Smith is great, and I'm glad to share her because the more people with good people, the better,” Glendella said.
“Yeah – it makes everybody more safe!” seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow said.
“Yeah, because safety is definitely important,” Glendella said.
“But sometimes you gotta let the unsafety know it had better not come over here!” Edwina suddenly bellowed as nine-year-old George Ludlow came with his latest great idea – only to be grabbed by his ten-year-old brother Andrew and eleven-year-old sister Eleanor.
“Didn't Papa just snatch you up over the big screen, George – give me the paint gun now!” Andrew said.
“But, these trees don't know it's September – they need help with the yellow!” George said.
“Look, brother, you're going to be a death sandwich, and we just can't have that on a Sunday afternoon on vacation,” Eleanor said. “Edwina is right there and if you get that mustard on her dress you're dead, and when Papa finds out, you're dead, so just hand us the paint gun with the mustard in it, and nobody gets hurt.”
“George,” Glendella said, “that's a cedar tree in the wrong place for it to be. It's going to get to about 100 feet tall and tear up the sidewalk, the plumbing, and probably half the street, but it will never turn yellow in September because it's evergreen, not deciduous.”
“Delicious – where – I didn't know you can eat those!” said five-year-old Lil' Robert Ludlow as he came running.
“Deciduous,” Glendella said as she reached out for her favorite five-year-old in the whole world. “That means it changes colors and loses its leaves for the winter, but evergreens like cedars and pines stay green.”
“Oh,” Lil' Robert said. “Thanks, because, see, I was going to have to grow a third hollow leg, or two, to eat a tree.”
Amanda and Edwina were immediately confused.
“Two third legs?” Edwina said.
Glendella would have explained, but accepted Lil' Robert's explanation: “When you gotta eat trees, you gotta do different stuff.”
“Well, see, this is why the mustard would have worked because mustard tastes good on everything!” George said.
“He got a point,” Lil' Robert said.
“No, he doesn't,” Eleanor said, “because we can't put the mustard back into the squeeze bottle we have, and we only have until after church until Papa and Grandma do not have mustard to put on anything.”
Everybody considered this.
“But this is why y'all should have just let me do this – I would have made the first delicious deciduous cedar tree before I died!” George said.
“He still got a point,” Lil' Robert said.
“No he doesn't!” Andrew said. “Just for a minute, Rob, could you stay out of the double-digit age convos and let us handle this?”
“I beg to differ!” Lil' Robert said, squaring up to his full three-feet-six like he was six-feet-three and really his grandfather's twin. “You're just ten, Andy. That's just two times five, and I'm five, and I can multiply, so no. You're just ten, so stop it. No.”
“Wait, Rob – where did you even learn that – how do you even know what that means?” Andrew said.
“I beg your pardon!” Lil' Robert said. “I eavesdrop just as well as everybody else around here!”
“He does,” six-year-old Grayson Ludlow said, “and then we look up the words, and we like those words.”
“Y'all are bigger and older but no – stop trying to pull rank!” Lil' Robert said. “My name is Robert Edward Ludlow too – I mean, THREE – and I'm not going for it!”
“Oh, that's right – you have the same name as your grandfather, my Big Cousin Robert,” Glendella said.
“Yep, and Papa and I are really twins, but, see, stuff happens at hospitals.”
“You know what?” Glendella said. “I believe you, because Big Robert met me looking out for me, and you met me, looking out for me. I believe it – but stuff does happen at hospitals, just maybe over a few decades.”
“Of course you believe me!” Lil' Robert said. “It's true! See, because, you're ten, but you're also smart!”
Andrew just stared in disbelief while Eleanor facepalmed.
“I got another idea!” George said. “Why don't we just take the paint gun to the table and squirt the mustard out of it?”
“Take what to where and squirt what out of it?” Capt. R.E. Ludlow Sr. said as he at last picked up the conversation.
“Gottagobye,” Grayson said.
“Because, no,” Glendella said as she and Lil' Robert followed Grayson off the scene.