Some people think I spend far too much time "looking inwards" and examining the events and realities of my life, and the past... particularly those that have not turned out so well.
Socrates allegedly said: "The unexamined life is not worth living," and whether or not one thinks that might be true, what typically is true is that's we'd like to live lives that have as few unexplainable "problematic episodes" as possible. After all, who really enjoys suffering?
When we're kids, we typically end up adopting various "survival strategies," even if we don't think of them as such. Even people who have very loving and supportive childhoods do this to some degree because ultimately our personalities differ from those of our caretakers, and they will advise us — however well-meaning — to do things in ways that make absolutely no sense to us, simply because we are not LIKE them.
Later in life, this all subtly manifests in how we approach work, money, relationships, faith, love. politics, parenting and pretty much everything. Those who had chaotic and even outright abusive childhoods often have some even stronger imprints.
But those old routines aren't always relevant to our current adult lives... in fact, often they are at the root of what manifests as repeating problems we deal with, years and decades later.
Some might think along the lines of "Sure, it's easy to blame our PARENTS for everything!" but self-examinination isn't about assigning blame, it's about gaining understanding, so we can make a few changes to the way we approach life... hopefully to become happier and more functional people.
Self-examination can sometimes be an unpleasant "reality check" because we come face to face with realities we may not like to look at... could be something like discovering that the childhood we remember as "good" actually had some toxic elements that caused us to adopt coping strategies at a young age... that we are still applying in adulthood even though they are actually working against what we truly want in life.
Of course, there are different ways we can take this. Some people "overcompensate" in the opposite direction from what they learned. I actually had a friend whose dad was an uber-thrifty accountant who was constantly saving and investing... and she grew up to almost pride herself on "being stupid with money," often having out-of-control debts and even ending up in personal bankruptcy once.
My own dad taught me to always save for the future, and goodness knows I have tried, but the missing piece in the equation is that I never had his ambition, so I was really comparing apples to oranges for many years after his death, looking at his income as a corporate CEO, and mine as a free-lance technical writer. I simply couldn't afford to save... my perceived "failure" wasn't about not saving, but about not having the means.
ARE we our parents? Probably not! But we do emulate much of what happened around us during our formative years... even in very subtle ways. And sometimes we fall prey to the so-called "repetition compulsion," and it can feel like we keep banging our heads against the same wall... and we wouldn't truly understand why, unless we took a long hard look back.
Maybe this sounds "elementary" to many who will read this... but it's often surprising how "sticky" these old patterns can be, even for those who've been though therapy!
Thanks for reading, and have a great week ahead!
How about YOU? Are there any childhood survival strategies or patterns you've had to deal with, in adulthood? Ever had certain life issues happen over and over, without knowing WHY? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20220829 00:12 PDT
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