Towards a Better Life: Why Am I Not Happy?

"The Pursuit of Happiness" seems to be an important part of most people's lives.

We talk an awful lot about "wanting to be happy," and we read books about finding happiness and there's even a huge self-help industry based around helping people become happy.

You're About as Happy as You Decide to Be

That's basically paraphrasing a fairly famous quote, often attributed to Abraham Lincoln, but nobody really knows where it came from.

But is it true?

Maybe so, but I have reservations. I believe that what we can do is make a conscious choice in terms of where we place our attention. 

It's a fundamental truth of life that we tend to become UN-happy when bad things happen, and happy when good things happen. We don't have a lot of choice there, but we do have a choice in terms of where we place our attention. 

On our way to work, someone might cut us off in traffic almost causing an accident which sucks... but then we sit at the light and some gorgeous girl/guy flashes us an awesome smile that makes our toes curl-- which one do we choose to focus on; which one do we allow to "define" our day?

Both happened, but we can give the majority of our attention to the good, or the bad.

But Why Am I not Happy?

However, when we ask the question "Why am I not happy?" it usually concerns the greater story arc of our lives, not little day-to-day events. Sure, little events add up to a greater continuum, but there's more there.

Although many of us are reluctant to look at it, the answer is often remarkably simple:

"You're not happy because you're not doing the things that make you happy."

We tend to avoid looking at that very simple fact because when we do so, we also have to "own" the potential reality that we are responsible for choosing unhappiness.

"Oh, you're wrong!" we protest, "I'd never DO such a thing!"

And then we launch into a long series of excuses and rationalizations that's typically all about pinpointing some external "it" as the "true" cause of our unhappiness.

One Day, at the Therapist's Office

Back in my early 30s, I spent several years in therapy, trying to sort out my identity and wrestling with stages of depression.

An uncomfortable question came up during one session, after I'd just finished a 15-minute monologue about how miserable life and all the people in it were. 

My therapist looked at me earnestly and asked "And who would you BE, if you didn't have all these mooches and incompetents in your life to always take care of and bitterly complain about?"

A lengthy discussion ensued, but the ultimate point here was that we can very easily not only get STUCK in a rut of unhappiness, we actually can become semi-addicted to the feeling of "life is hard, and I am unhappy." 

When we choose to be happy, we also have to become accountable for creating that happiness, and for making choices and doing things that make us happy... we don't get to just sit back complacently and complain!

Doing the Things that Make You Happy

So, are you doing the things that make you happy? And if not, why not? And are you even aware of what makes you happy? 

On the surface, these may look like simple questions, and often our answers and protestations are wrapped in some fine packaging that includes the phrases "I can't just...." and "but I HAVE to..."

There are usually some threads of truth in our protests... but we often allow them to "own" our lives. If, for example, "doing something creative" makes you happy, why are you not doing something creative? 

Let us also remember that "canned happiness" isn't necessarily true happiness. The world-- and especially our consumer-based societies-- tend to "sell" happiness as a commodity that has to be purchased and consumed... and we fall into a pattern of thinking "If only I had ____, I would be happy!" and yet that happiness never comes, even as we flit like bees from one "happiness acquisition" to another. 

So when you look at the things that make you happy, you also need to take a long hard look at the part of the equation where you determine whether something is truly YOUR happiness, or merely a canned reflection of what society (or some marketer) wants you to believe makes you happy.

So... are you ready to make 2018 the year where you Choose Happiness?

How about YOU? Do you consider yourself largely happy? Are you doing the things that make you happy? In life, in general, do you give most of your daily attention to positive or negative things? Do you enjoy complaining about what's wrong? No judgment there-- after all, a good "bitch session" can be very comforting! Or do you enjoy celebrating good things? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

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created by @zord189

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 180103 13:16 PST