It's the season of tropical storms and it can be quite difficult to do things. I have to face the depressing fact that my movement and that much-needed physical activity outdoors would be limited. I'm not really a fan of the gym or any indoor exercise, yoga, aerobics or whatnot, as I still feel like I'm suffocating inside. I could go on and rant about the things that I cannot control because whatever I say, I will still be able to live through discomfort. I'm born to adapt and survive.
I look back and remember that I have many reasons not to rant. Growling winds, suspended classes, flood filled with rat piss, fallen branches, flying roofs, stranded yuppies, houses struggling to keep its roof above the water and devastated crops. Oh calamities, the great equalizer! This is when the whole span of society and all its members are equally experiencing discomfort. I grew up watching the Tele, watching the whole world look down upon us, watching as if everything is just a passing show. Welcome to the discomfort zone! This has been my life and my reality. I remind myself how I was able to live through the harsh circumstances all these years. And how people were able to cope amidst the calamities and destructive forces of nature.
Lately, I was not really going out because I complained about the muddy roads, heavy rain, and scary wind. I was telling my friend that I need to stock my shelf with lots of food in case I won't really be able to go out. I fear that I will be taken away by the wind to a far mysterious place that I will like. He told me in disbelief, "why not just go to the farmer's market nearby where the locals buy fresh seafood?". That was like a lightbulb moment for me. Here I am hiding and avoiding discomfort when most people go about with their daily lives despite the bad weather. I should stop acting like a pampered snowflake. I am not special.
I have lived in a big, chaotic city almost all my life that I rarely felt mother nature′s wrath. During my adult years, I had been a prisoner of skyscrapers, chained in my cubicle with all the other prisoners around me, watching the merciless wind slam all the little houses, electrical posts, and the dancing trees from the 48th floor. I watched pain and discomfort from a distance. I watched chaos from a distance. I didn't have crops to worry about or a house that could be destroyed by the storm. But empathy remains. But now as I live my life here in the countryside, I am becoming more aware of the difficulties people have to endure in life.
I used to think that people here are so present-focused that they don't anticipate all the possible problems anymore. Why can't they just fix the roads and drainage during summer? That seems to be an existential question. I used to believe that we live a life thinking that tomorrow everything might be gone. Our houses might be destroyed and the neighbors might steal our food. People get their happiness from friendships and relationships to cope with poverty and harsh living conditions. They have learned to live through discomfort. With this collectivist thinking, people no longer have to delay gratification for the long-term reward. There's no preparing for the winter and all that. They consume what they can consume right now. Some people are not good in business as they don't have this 'seeing beyond the moment' attitude. The coconuts are readily available for them anyway. So if there's a catastrophe, look how devasted everyone is. Though I partly blame the politicians who seem to need the tax money more and other external shit that the 'introduced system' has done to this country. The 'planning for the future' kind of mindset is only for the rich and strong forces of the society. Those who have full stomachs all the time that they can afford to think about the future. Those who think that no matter what happens, there's still available food in the pantry. Ready to be snatched from the underdogs.
Then I look at myself and see how things have changed. I'm here alone now working on my own, saving for the winter just so I can get more possible choices to live a good life. Just so I can dine in a restaurant not thinking about the cost of the meal. I'm willing to live through discomfort, bear my heartache and loneliness and delay any present gratification for that kind of freedom. For what it's worth.
It is quite unthinkable for many to see a woman living this lifestyle. Especially someone from here. It seems like the question is, where's the centuries-old colonized or underdog mentality bestowed upon you now? It is impossible for you to be alone, they say! Predators around await as they plan to take advantage of the vulnerable prey. I always sleep with one eye open. Sometimes, I have to lie about not being alone, and it sucks. It sucks what you have to do to stay safe and survive.
And yet there are people out there who continuously ramble about the power outage, lack of internet and all the inconveniences brought about by the bad weather and corrupt system. As if this life is something new to us. I'm not saying I'm better, I just say that I could have been one of them. Spending my whole day whining, living in misery and blaming others for all the unfortunate events. There are people who find solutions and then there are those who don't. It really depends on how much you want your life would be. It depends on your willpower. It also depends if you have a choice, some don't have the luxury of choice.
As I learned to adopt that 'seeing beyond the moment' attitude, I have become more creative and strategic in life. I channel my madness appropriately. I have created a routine designed to make me feel comfortable with discomfort. Designed to make me feel motivated. For instance, if there's a huge storm, I anticipate the power outage. I have to write and work on my website while there's power, and fully-charge all of my gadgets and electric equipment. I have learned to push myself and work with a sense of urgency. Now I get that endorphin kick as I cross off things on my to-do list. That sense of achievement no matter how small means a lot to me. I guess the 'bed weather' (a male friend said) is making me more productive and creative. It's making me crazier too. Then I cook and eat while there's no power just so I can make use of that 'idle time'. While the rain is not pouring down from the heavens above, I run to the farmer's market to buy whatever I can eat for a day two. I make sure that I still have access to the internet even without power. If all my batteries run out, it means that it's that much-needed unplug time. It's the time to read books and learn something new. It's the time to make use of the free time to enrich my mind. If I'm bored and unhappy, it means I have failed to use my imagination. With this in mind, I have stopped complaining. Discomfort is not my enemy, it's just one way to figure out how to live my life.