Personal reflections on the therapeutic effects of writing

I have been writing since I was a kid. I can even recall writing and reading a short story for a class in elementary school. I was flashing on that event this morning as I rose from bed. I can still hear the kids in my class crying as I read my story, for I had been crying, too, afraid to read my story to the class.

As a kid and young adult, I have written poems, short stories and journals of my life. I have many volumes in a box from the most troubled parts of my life, in my mid to late 20s. I just didn't know how to connect with other people and struggled to even find girlfriends and friendships. I was lost, but pen and paper were always there.

I went on a long hiatus from personal writing in my thirties. Most of my writing was for correspondence with government agencies for Freedom of Information Act requests. I had learned how to write FOIA requests from a seminar given by a good friend of mine. During that time, I have filed more than 300 such requests with a variety of agencies. I've won every appeal that I had to write. The FOIA request taught me how to turn a question into a request for documents. And I learned how to see the people in government during that time.

I have amassed a very interesting collection of documents from all that work, which I still keep to this day as evidence of how satisfying it is to work with FOIA. I have learned the laws and the rules and the regulations, and I know that I ever need to do it again, I can.

It wasn't until much later in my life that someone suggested that I write a gratitude list. And from the Artists' Way, I got in the habit of writing a morning page, something I've been doing now for 10 years. I must say that those two actions, every morning, have been transformative for me.

I also had friends who encouraged me to write and I started blogging. I've been blogging for more than 10 years (I lost track), and I've always enjoyed writing something and sharing it. At first I had no idea how to get the word out, but after some thinking and exploring, I started using Twitter, Facebook and Google+. Had I known how to promote my work, I might have made a few coins from it, too.

I've also written for a local paper, the affiliated local TV station and for a few paid blogs. But nothing ever really came of it. I just couldn't put it together, how to make money from writing. Money and IT seem to come easier to me. But I still write.

Looking back on my life, I now come to realize that writing is a pain reliever for me. I started thinking about this idea a few days ago. I was suffering from corneal epithelial erosion, and it hurt like hell when I blinked. My eyes watered. My vision was a tad blurry. But I was determined to write an article and get it published.

What I noticed was that I forgot about the pain while I was writing. That tells me that writing, the very act of focusing on what I want to say, and getting that on this screen, releases endorphins. And those endorphins, like the runner's high, blot out the pain.

So I started looking back at all the times I was in physical or psychological pain and sure enough, I was writing during those times. Most of that writing was about relationships and encourage by a therapist or sponsor, but I was writing to relieve myself of pain.

I've noticed a change in feedback and response cycles from writing, too. As a younger man, I learned to write to avoid the negative consequences of acting out on addiction. As I progressed in my recovery, I learned to write to extend the positive effects of recovery, of right and light living.

Writing helped me to see my thinking process. To notice the words I used in my head against myself and others. Writing not only helped me to relieve my pain, it helped me to avoid causing further pain to a world that is already in pain. Writing has given me empathy for others, too.

Every morning, I write to reflect on the events of the previous day. I write to express gratitude for the way my life is now, which is far better than I could have hoped 10 or even 20 years ago. Every morning, I write to publish, to share, to make what I know to be known by others.

Writing is also cathartic. I know that's not an easy word to bring into conversation, so here's a definition:

That is what writing is for me, in a nutshell. It allows me to express myself in ways that I could not without writing. I can write privately, to release the dark side of me and lay it out for me to see. I can see my thoughts more clearly, I can organize my thoughts more clearly. Writing gives me the freedom to choose how I want to think.

Writing has allowed me to purge self destructive thinking, too. It is for this reason that I agree with the statement:

An unexamined life is not worth living.

I use writing for self examination. I use writing to record where I've been with my thinking and to make adjustments where necessary, for the improvement of my life and those around me.

Writing is a mental exercise, and for me, it is a habit of mental exercise. I feel "naked" when I don't write in the morning. I am inclined to think that much of what I want to talk about is boring to other people. So in the morning, I write whatever it is that burns in my mind until the page is full. Then I've said whatever it is that I needed to say. I'm empty and ready to receive from others. I'm ready to listen, to engage, to enjoy. That's another way of saying that writing is cathartic, perhaps, in the extreme.

There. I think I'm done. I hope you found this little essay amusing.

Write on.