I'm collecting the pieces of the strange puzzle which is my mind. Trying to see where they fit. First of all, I'm looking for any clues from my life which could be connected with asbergers. Not that I'm convinced that's the only problem that I've suffered, but it's the least understood by myself. It seems to relate to every facet of my being. After I've made the connections I can explore asbergers itself more fully, and try to understand how I can move forward.
A Connection between Aspergers and Addiction?
I've suffered from various addictions through-out my life. Sexual addiction would be the earliest, then to alcohol, and tobacco. I was probably addicted to drugs, later on, but not any one drug in particular. Of course "Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities"1 is one of the major indicators in a diagnosis of Asbergers syndrome.
Not to say I think that is the whole story. Why does anyone drink, or do any type of addictive behavior? It's all about the dopamine. Children experiencing healthy development, receive regular dopamine boosts while progressing socially. A smile, eye contact, games, a multitude of social activities are abundant in opportunities for a natural, healthy boost of dopamine. All of which is strained, and stressful at best for someone who suffers from Aspergers. I can't reliably relate to another human for a healthy shot of dopamine. I can reliably light up a cigarette, or look at images of attractive people (who aren't here to see how broken, and lacking I truly am). It makes me wonder how much addiction and social aptitude might be related.
In 2016, researchers in Sweden found an increased Risk for Substance Use-Related Problems in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Research has been very slow to catch up with aspergers. Both because it is often undiagnosed, or diagnosed later in life than Autism, and because the whole field of research is rather new. It makes me wonder how much more I'll get to learn about myself, as research continues through-out my life!