Singing the Associated Press for @DLive (at the specific request of 
I think it turned into a great song, and a cautionary tale. Beware of keeping canned goods (especially cans of tomato sauce) around the house (if your spouse is on methamphetamines).
From the Associated Press at 1:33pm on March 13, 2018 (the lyrics to this odd tune):
LAKESIDE — Authorities have arrested an Oregon woman accused of assaulting her husband with canned goods.
Sheriff’s deputies responding to a report of domestic violence found evidence that 53-year-old Katherine Lavigne of Lakeside beat her husband with a can of tomato sauce and threw other cans at him, the Coos Bay World reported.
Deputies say other occupants of the home witnessed Friday’s attack, and the husband suffered bruising.
The Coos County Sheriff’s Office says the couple had been arguing that day after Lavigne returned home at 3 a.m. and her husband asked where she had been.
Lavigne was booked into jail on an assault charge. The sheriff’s office says deputies also found methamphetamine in her possession, and a drug charge is pending.
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