He was there sitting at our usual spot. I called his name as I neared the table. He didn’t move. He didn’t even turn my way.
I kissed him on the cheek. He acted as if a cool air brushed his skin. He didn’t say a thing.
I sat down and looked at him. Cold. He looks and feels so cold. I can’t believe things are this worse between us.
He ignored me. I blinked my tears away. His silence. His coldness. It was like I am looking at a different person. This isn’t the man I love!
A stranger –I am staring at a stranger.
My heart – it is breaking. I have to reach out to him. I have to talk to him. We have to fix this. I cannot just sit and do nothing about it. I knew what we have is worth saving. But how? He is so withdrawn.
“Happy Anniversary, Babe.” I whispered.
He was quiet. Eerily quiet. Did he even hear me? He is acting as if I am not sitting here in front of him.
I was about to reach out to touch his hand when he spoke, “I can’t do this.”
And that startled me. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“I just can’t keep doing this. This is torture.”
“What are you saying?” It can’t be. He can’t mean it. And because I really wanted to know even if it hurt me I had to ask him. “Are you giving up on us?”
But he ignored me and just continued talking, “I can’t pretend like nothing’s happened. I can’t go on pretending I am okay.”
“We can save this. I know we can.”
“I miss you”
That did it. My tears flowed like a river. “I miss you too!”
He was crying! My love was crying. “Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me?”
Go? Leave? “What do you mean go? I didn’t leave. I’m right here.”
“I miss you so much…” He sobbed.
Why can’t he hear me? I reached out to touch his hand and when my skin touched his, visions flashed through my mind. It was as if I was transported back in time.
——
I shouted. “Look out!”
He swerved to the left in an attempt to avoid the old woman but lost control. I was panicking. He was telling me to relax but I could hear the panic in his voice. It was as if the car had a mind of its own. I heard screams from people on the street. I heard tires screeching. Everything happened so fast. And then I blacked out.
——
I have gone still. A cold shiver ran through my spine. The accident. There was an accident a few weeks ago. We were having a fight then. And we hit a lamppost.
I looked at him and he held his head low. Crying, he was still crying.
——
“We have to stabilize her.” I didn’t recognize the voice.
An ambulance. I could hear its siren. I opened my eyes, and I was lying on a gurney. Inside the ambulance. Blood. I see blood on my dress. People. There were people all around me. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. They were talking all at the same time.
I tried calling out his name. My head hurts like hell. It felt like it was breaking into two.
I felt someone hold my hand. He was sobbing. He was no longer wearing his jacket. There was blood all over his white shirt. Was that his blood?
“I love you …” I whispered.
“I love you too.” He told me. “Be strong Babe. Please…”
Be strong. And I feel so weak.
“I love you so much…” I told him. I closed my eyes.
“No!!!!” He shouted.
I wanted to open my eyes and look at him one last time but I couldn’t.
“We’re losing her. We’re losing the patient.”
“Don’t leave me… Open your eyes babe, please… Please babe…” He pleaded. His voice sounding hoarse now. And I felt his lips as the touched mine. “I love you.”
——
And the last thing I heard was him.
And the last thing I felt was his kiss on my lips.
I died. The realization finally set in.
I died that night.
- dropdeaddiva - 03032018