I should have known three weeks ago when we started this QOTW on emotions that it would be a journey of discovery and deep ponderance! As ever, the 
have been soul searching and really thinking about this final question on emotions. This week you will find a bounty of different perspectives and many really honest answers.. which we always appreciate!
Do you desire to find a better balance between being emotionally available or being guarded in your relationships with others? If so then please do read a few of these posts because they really are full of great wisdom and different perspectives. I really hope you enjoy reading, and hope to hear a few words from you in the comments just to let us know you stopped by. Chit Chat is half the fun on Steemit!
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Do you appreciate others to be open with their emotions?
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Interview with myself:
Do you appreciate others to be open about their emotions?Yes I do, very much.
Why?
Because to communicate about our emotions is what makes us free and keeps us free while we connect.
And autonomie is of the utmost importance for REAL intimacy. When we are not connected to our emotions in a way that we are in charge, we are basically not there/not present in ourselves. This is called dissociation. When we are dissociated there is no one to make the connection with.
Also how can we REALLY get to know a person when they don't tell us what is going on inside of them?
Not only desires but also boundaries define us. They sketch the outline of our individual shape, so we can be seen. REALLY seen.
And also it is just fun to exchange emotional information with each other. It's like throwing a ball. Like ball play. It can be light.
Not at all.
When would you say is it not easy?
When people say things that make me doubt their love and care for me.
What does it do to you to hear such things?
It makes me scared to loose them.
Two days ago I had a panic attack.
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It came on in what anyone would think was a perfectly safe situation - I was in a room with Jamie at a free-diving centre in Amed, Bali, and we were working through static breathing exercises on yoga mats. Now, me, I can roll out my mat anywhere and as soon as I lay out my mat I drop into a calm place where I can examine how I'm feeling in a quiet and comfortable way.
The whole point of this exercise was a basic pranayama that I'm familiar with. Inhale for four counts, exhale for 6 to 8 counts, so the long slow exhale begins to slow down your heart rate, whereupon we were going to begin long breath holds in a relaxed state as practice for breathing under water.
So now my answer to the third and last question of the week.
Do I appreciate others to be open about their emotions?
I think I can say that I am. In fact, I would even say that I almost NEED for people to be open about their emotions, especially if I am somewhat involved in causing those emotions.
If there is something I said or did that made someone angry for instance, I want them to tell me what that was. I can be a bit of an idiot when it comes to these kinds of things. I'm not the most diplomatic person in the world and tact is not my middle name. So sometimes I say things that come out differently than I wanted it to sound and some people don't appreciate this. If people don't tell me if it offended them, I will never know! I can guess, but I'm no fucking mind reader and you could pretty much say that my mind is male 🤣🤣. It's not done on purpose: I just really don't have a clue. There's is one thing I hate more than anything: If I ask you what is going on and the person in question tells me: "Nothing." But then goes on stomping around like a little child. I used to have an ex like that, the father of my two middle children and I don't think there is much guess work when it comes to why he is an ex...
If we could all be open about our emotions good and bad, work through them, let them out (safely) and never bottle them up, then we would all live healthier and happier.
Resentment
Resentment builds up when you bottle things up and those emotions will eventually explode, as there comes a time when you can’t hold it in anymore.
Resentment, when it builds up is like a bomb. When you get to the full point you can explode and the results can be heartbreaking and devastating.
When you bottle things up, it dampens life the colors of life, instead of being vibrant you are living in pastel, or even grey.
Everything in life should flow.
I am a big believer in that. I am happiest when my life is flowing, when I do not hold on to how I am feeling, to what I am thinking, when I can just let things happen.
To me that is a natural way to be, I like to look at nature for inspiration, to see how things happen naturally. And yes things flow, not always how you may expect them but they do.
Our emotions are like that, depending on what is happening in our lives and how we are feeling, we never know what is really going to happen and how we will react until it does happen. If something extreme happens to me, I try and remember to talk a deep breath and think before I act or respond, but I do react, it is so important to deal with what arises. How we react to other people works the same way. It really depends on how I am feeling and what is going on in my life.
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It is a type of honesty with which I personally struggle and it can sometimes feel scary to put myself out there in that way. When I am open with my emotions (assuming in the correct context), I usually feel relieved and lighter than before I opened up. Being open with emotions can be a very useful way to avoid feeling alone or isolated even if it seems scary or daunting. I feel we are wired to emotionally connect with those around us, and this can only happen in the presence of openness.
When I get an insight into someone's emotional life, I feel like I'm getting to know a special part of them. It's the mundane details that give you an idea of "what you do" in life, but it's the emotions and experiences that highlight "who you are". So often social interactions are kept to safe topics revolving around weather, work, sports, entertainment etc.. This is an easier road to travel than opening up to share your inner world, but the connections build on the external world can only go so far. It's like defining a house by what color it is instead of what it's made of or what fills its rooms.
I do appreciate when people are open about their emotions because it's more engaging and interesting to me than a lot of other things. There's juice in the relationship when emotions are shared, but it can be difficult to go there. The vulnerability and honesty that this requires though does require a degree of trust. What being open about your emotions can do for a connection between humans is nothing short of remarkable.
Vulnerabilty is the key to unlocking human connections.
Emotional openess can be interpreted in one of two ways; the ability to speak openly and honestly about how we are feeling inside or to just act on our emotions.
I wanted to point out these differences because they can have very different affects on others.
When we are experiencing emotions such as joy, happiness, love and all the other emotions that create feelings of well-being, it seems to be more acceptable to share these emotions with others. In contrast, the negative emotions such as anger, disgust, and hatred when acted upon can be hurtful towards others. I like to think of these as projected emotions.
The complication comes because we have all had very different experiences and so our ability to process projected emotions varies greatly on how we learnt to handle them at different developmental points of our growth.
I think we can all agree that most people do not like to feel anger shown towards them but will happily accept love shown. Everything in life requires balance. So if we were only to show the positive emotions, it could potentially block the negative ones, causing them to manifest out of control.
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It never ceases to amaze me how our questions of the week are 'magically' synchronised to what is happening in my life! This is the third and final question on the week on the topic of emotions, and this final question is perhaps most pertinent for me. As I write this post, I am on the tail and of a very intense three day life event with my (x)partner, that was pretty much all about both of us being open with our emotions, and I mean the really intense and big emotions! This is one of those questions that can be answered in the affirmative and negative, because on the surface it is fair to say that I really do appreciate people being open about their positive emotions like joy... but it is a little harder to say if I feel the same about people expressing the more negative emotions such as anger. Or Do I!!??
So why would I appreciate someone sharing their anger with me? It's hard for me witness someone being really angry, especially if it is directed at me.. It makes me feel awful! But that is in the short term, and from a near-sighted perspective I would have to say that NO i don’t appreciate it. However, looking at the long term, it is another thing all together! If we don't give space for others to express their entire emotional range from utter joy to fiercest anger then what happens? Well, the simple answer is that we end up blocked, and our relationship becomes quite unhealthy. If we don’t allow others to express their emotions then it can really lead to a lifetime of a whole range of other emotions that can really make life quite miserable,, and it never ends! Once resentment kicks in, it can be very hard to dissipate.. and resentment is one of the emotions that sets in when we don’t communicate well and allow each other to express their feelings. I know this first hand, and have learned a HUGE life lesson this past week because I was not open enough about my feelings with my partner. This led me to feeling just awful about certain things for a LONG time, but had I shared it long ago then so much pain and anguish could have been avoided. Sometimes we just have to be brave!
When talking about emotions, we often talk about ourselves. Not so weird actually, we are, in fact, very egoist beings. Nothing wrong with that, you should always put yourself first because you can not pour from an empty glass. Only by being good yourself can you help others be good too. Before answering the question I asked in the title, here are the links to two previous posts on this subject to remind you of how things we went so far:
What does it mean to "own" your emotion?
How open are you about your emotions?
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